


Midnight Sparks

by sierralayne



Category: tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Actors, College, F/M, Friendship, New York City, POV First Person, Romance, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 38,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21688519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sierralayne/pseuds/sierralayne
Summary: Alison wasn't expecting much when she crashed a party with her best friend, Jayna. She wasn't expecting Tom Holland – his twinkling brown eyes, irresistible smile and warm soul.But there's more than meets the eye. While some ties bring people together, other ties can drive two intertwined hearts far, far apart.· · ·A story that explores what happens when an ordinary girl meets Tom Holland, Hollywood's latest A-lister. The world knows Tom as Marvel Cinematic Universe's latest Spider-Man, but to Alison, he will become so much more.Because of a traumatic past, Alison works hard to maintain a level of normalcy in her life. And she has always been successful, until the fateful night when she crossed paths with Tom. Against the backdrop of the night sky and twinkling city lights, this short encounter felt heavy with meaning and emotion.But was it all in Alison's head?Before she knew it, Alison is pulled into a world of intricate complications, unspoken truths and broken promises. She will learn that everyone has their secrets, and Tom is no exception.When push comes to shove, Alison must determine If she has the will – and the heart – to stick through it all.
Kudos: 23





	1. Is that who we think it is?

_One night and we're gonna come and crash the party_  
_Weren't invited but we're feelin' so outrageous_  
_\- Charli XCX_

\- - -

“Come on, Ali. Hurry up!” Jayna’s eyes sparkled with excitement under the glow of the streetlight.

“My heels are already killing me,” I groaned. “What’s the rush anyway? It’s not like anyone is waiting for our arrival with bated breath or anything.”

Jayna giggled. “I’ve never crashed a party before – or at least not a huge star-studded party. Isn’t it exciting?!”

“I guess.”

Jayna, my best friend of 7 years and counting, raised an eyebrow at me. “Wow, such enthusiasm,” she noted.

“One of us still needs to work tomorrow morning,” I reminded her.

“Nobody’s up before 1 PM on a Sunday! The café will be empty, and you’ll be sneaking in naps in the ladies’, “Jayna predicted.

“It’s gross how you’ve actually taken a nap in a public toilet before, Jays. I almost considered breaking off our friendship when you told me.”

Jayna ignored my remark. “I wonder which famous face we’ll see at the party? Do you think Leo DiCaprio will be there? His latest Instagram Stories photo was taken in London just 6 hours ago but that’s what private jets are for, right?”

She continued her one-sided chatter until we reached an unassuming plain black door – the front entrance to what was touted to be the hottest rooftop lounge in town. It wasn’t even open to the public just yet. I don’t know how Jayna managed to find out about this place. Or this secret party, for that matter. She has her ways, of that I’m certain.

“Hi,” Jayna chirped at the stony-faced man standing at the door. “We’re here for the wrap party.”

The man studied us for a second. “Your names?”

“I was told to say ‘gold dust’ as the password,” Jayna replied confidently.

“Excuse me?”

“Gold. Dust.”

Stony Face made a frown. “We don’t use passwords here…”

Jayna laughed slightly, licking her lips. “What? There must be a mistake somewhere. Anyway, we’re with Shay… You know, Leo’s stylist?”

Silence for a good five seconds. “I’m sorry, but there is no Shay nor… Leo.”

Jayna threw a panicked glance at me as the man made a gesture to close the door.

“No, wait! If you could just let us step in for a sec. Shay told me she was going to be waiting for me near the entrance anyway –“

The man shook his head. “I don’t think –“

“Hey Ron, how are ya?” A new, unfamiliar male voice speaking in a British accent behind us startled me.

I turned around to be greeted by a pair of twinkling brown eyes.

Stony Face broke into a grin. “Tom, my man.” He reached out to shake Brown Eyes’s hand.

“Great to see you again,” Brown Eyes said. He diverted his gaze from Stone Face to Jayna and I. “Are these ladies coming in as well?”

“Well..” Jayna hesitated, looking at Stony Face with uncertainty.

“Look, it’s okay. Come along with me then,” Brown Eyes offered with an easy smile.

We walked in with Brown Eyes behind us. I was aware that I’d not spoken for the last 5 minutes, and even Jayna seemed to be at a loss for words. But I finally found my ability to speak again and said to Brown Eyes, “Hey, thanks. We really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, thanks!” Jayna chimed in.

“No worries. Enjoy your evening.” Brown Eyes winked before disappearing into the crowd.

Jayna clutched my arm. “Is that who we think it is?”

I exhaled, then laughed. “Well, you did want to meet someone famous. Tom Holland counts, doesn’t it?”


	2. A moment with the stars

_And there's nothing under these bright stars_   
_That could bring this night to ruin_   
_\- Matt Wertz_

\- - -

“I can’t believe we met Tom ‘Spider-Man’ Holland and he got us into this party!” Jayna breathed as she led us to the bar.

“I think he took pity on us. Plus, we were kinda blocking his way,” I remarked. My eyes darted around the dimly lit space. It was packed with people, but I couldn’t make out any faces in the absence of good lighting. Was I trying to look for Tom Holland and his twinkling brown eyes? The truth was .. I didn’t know.

“I’d like a Cosmopolitan,” Jayna said to the bartender. “Gin and tonic for you, Ali?”

“Bingo.” Jayna knew how predictable my taste in alcoholic drinks were.

“Do you see Leo anywhere?” Jayna asked hopefully.

“Not yet. But Jays, even if you do see him, you’re not going to ambush him and shove your phone camera in his face.. Right?”

The thing is, Jayna runs a YouTube channel where she reviews the latest movies and series. Her specialty? Predicting if a major character will die, or not. You can imagine all the fun she had with Game of Thrones right up till season 8. But now that Game of Thrones has ended, Jayna was toying with new hooks for her channel – and ’10 seconds, 5 questions with a star’ is topping the list right now.

Jayna shrugged as she sipped her glass of pinkish-red liquid. “If the opportunity comes up…”

“Jays, you are so going to get us kicked out of this place,” I declared.

“I wouldn’t mind doing a quickie with Tom Holland either – a quickie interview, of course.”

I had to laugh. “Of course.”

“Anyways, A-listers and Hall of Famers aren’t going to come looking for us, so let’s hit the dancefloor to find them.”

A few seconds later, we were in the middle of the pulsing music and waves of strobe lights. I thought I spotted someone from The Real Housewives of New York City, but Jayna wasn’t interested in that.

We had been dancing for about 15 minutes when Jayna said, “Ooh I think Lili Reinhart just walked in! Let me see if I can catch her. Be right back, okay?”

I watched as Jayna made her way to a slim blonde girl in a shimmering sequined blue dress and silently wished her luck. I decided to get another drink and walked over to the bar.

After getting my second glass of gin and tonic, I continued walking. I found a door that led to what I was craving for – peace and quiet.

I was standing in the uncovered viewing deck of the rooftop lounge and there was no one else around.

Or so I thought.

I spotted him just as he turned to the sound of my footsteps. There was no way I could avoid saying something. So I said, “Umm, hi.”

“Hi.” Tom Holland took a closer look at me. “We’ve met, haven’t we? At the entrance earlier on.”

I nodded. I saw that Tom was holding a bottle of beer in his hand, so I raised my own glass and said, “Cheers.”

Tom smiled and brought his beer upwards in an imaginary clink with my glass. “Cheers.”

I wasn’t sure if he wanted his privacy. He probably did.

I took a step back, fully intending to return inside, when he spoke, “Don’t feel like you have to leave, by the way. I’m just enjoying the view.”

I hesitated for a moment, but told myself not to be ridiculous and went to join him as he gazed out into the night. The city lights winked at us like bright stars that held a million years’ worth of untold secrets. It was just past midnight but the streets were still buzzing with life. It felt like a night where anything was possible.

Minutes passed without us saying a word. It should’ve been awkward, but somehow it wasn’t. At one point, I snuck a sideways peek at Tom. His lips still showed a slight smile, but his eyes seemed – sad? Or maybe I was imagining it.

“How are you enjoying the party so far?” He finally broke the silence.

“It’s, umm, fun,” I replied as I sipped my glass. “The bartender makes one hell of a good gin and tonic, if nothing else.”

“So that’s the highlight of your night,” Tom said, amused.

Apart from finding myself next to a movie star on the rooftop just staring at the night view, you mean? I was tempted to say. Instead, I responded, “Hey, I take my G&T seriously. And so does the Buckley the bartender, I’m happy to report.”

“You’re even on a first name basis with him. That’s impressive.”

I laughed. “No. He just looks like a Buckley to me, so that’s what I’m going to call him.”

“Really? And what do I look like?”

I paused to think. “Umm, a Leroy.”

He let out a huge laugh. “What? Are you serious?”

“Or a Trevor.”

“That’s mildly better, I suppose.” He straightened up his sports jacket and extended his hand to me. “Trevor McGeek, pleased to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Trevor,” I played along, shaking his hand. “Hmm, so what do I look like?”

He furrowed his brows a little before saying, “In all honesty? I’d say an Alison.”

My eyes widened. “No way. No freaking way.”

“What?”

“You’re messing with me, right? How did you find out my name? Did Jayna mention it at the entrance while we were –“

“Hold on, hold on, hold on. You’re saying your name actually is Alison?”

“Well, I usually go by Ali, but yeah.. That’s what it says on my birth cert. Alison Kinloch.”

“Kinloch?” Those brown eyes were fixed fully on my face, and I had to fight this crazy urge to look away. Why should I be afraid of looking at Tom Holland right in the eye, right?

“Yeah, my dad had some Scottish blood…” I trailed off, not really wanting to go into detail about my father – or my family, for that matter. “Anyway, it’s not as weird of a family name as McGeek, McGeek.” I nodded at him.

He shrugged. “We can’t all have cool surnames.”

“Like Holland?” I couldn’t resist.

That twinkle in his eyes again. “Hey, let’s go back in and dance.. If you don’t mind being seen with Trevor McGeek, that is.”


	3. Don’t forget to breathe

_Yellow diamonds in the light_   
_And we're standing side by side_   
_\- Rihanna_

\- - -

Tom Holland was looking at me expectantly for my reply.

“Umm I don’t really.. dance,” I said. Sure, I did do my lame attempt at dancing with Jayna at the dancefloor earlier. And I could probably do the same with any other friends too. But with Tom Holland? No thanks. It would just be too embarrassing.

“Come on, I’ll let you laugh at how bad my dancing is.” Tom started performing some very exaggeratedly bad dance moves, which included swaying one arm left and right as if turning an invisible giant steering wheel.

I couldn’t help it. I broke into laughter.

“Okay, you laughed. So now you have to have one dance with me, all right?”

He sounded so earnest, so pure. I was defenseless. “Fine. Let’s go, Trev.”

We made our way downstairs, back to the main lounge area. I stood next to Tom as we surveyed the dancefloor. The speakers were blasting the latest Tiesto trance mix, which shouldn’t be too difficult to dance to. Based on the videos I’ve seen of rave party festivals, I just needed to sway tipsily like I’ve had 6 drinks, and run my hands through my hair a lot. Easy peasy.

Tom led the way, bringing us to the middle of the dancing crowd. Then he swiveled so that he was facing me. In my 4-inch heels, I was standing on eye level with him. I had full access to his twinkling brown eyes now, a fact that I tried not to focus too much on.

Tom grinned and got totally into the music. Despite everything, I started to enjoy myself, letting the energetic beats run through my body and bopping my head according to the pulse of the lights.

The song slowed down and melted away to reveal the start of an old Rihanna song – which was fine, except that it was a mellow number and people around us started moving nearer to their dance partners.

I looked at Tom and he looked back at me. With a shrug, he took a step forward and closed the gap between us. We swayed ever closer together, and I had to remind myself to breathe.

“ _We found love in a hopeless place… We found love in a hopeless place,_ ” Rihanna’s voice wailed lustily in our ears.

I ran my hand through my hair for about the 15th time, then glanced at Tom. He leaned in and said, “Glad to see that you haven’t started laughing. Yet.”

“Check again in 5 seconds,” I told him with a grin. He had such a way of making people feel at ease with him – even when it came to someone as guarded as I was.

We accidentally brushed against each other a couple of times, but otherwise Tom always maintained a respective amount of space from me. Which was good, because I wasn’t sure if I could handle being at even closer proximity than we already were at that point. From where I was, I could detect the citrusy scent of his perfume. And I could see that his left eyebrow was messier than the right one. It was odd, but endearing.

The Rihanna song reached its last few notes, all too quickly it felt.

“Hey, there’s this party I’m headed to after this. A party after the party.” Tom flashed me a smile. “Do you and your friend feel like crashing another party?”

I laughed with a shake of my head. “I meant to ask – why did you decide to rescue us at the entrance there tonight?”

“Well, you two didn’t look like axe murderers or anything, so I figured it should be all right.”

“Apart from that, though?” I was genuinely curious.

“I don’t know actually. I just thought it wouldn’t do any harm to have two more people joining this party,” he said, still smiling. “I hope you had fun.”

“More so than I thought,” I admitted.

“So would you and your friend like to join this next party?”

Jayna! I’d totally forgotten about her. What kind of a friend am I?!

“Well, Jayna would absolutely love to go, I’m sure… But I can’t,” I said, biting my lip. “I have an early morning work shift tomorrow. Lou would have a heart attack if I bailed on him.”

“Lou?”

“Yeah. He owns Café Luna and I’m a waitress there a couple of days a week. We serve the best tiramisu in town, or so I’m forced by Lou to say.”

Tom laughed and was about to respond when an arm with gleaming red claws – I mean nails – appeared out of seemingly nowhere and reached out to clutch at his chest.

“TOM. Where have you been? Harrison and the rest were looking for you.”

I stepped back and saw that the arm and voice belonged to a tall woman who looked like she could pass for Gisele Bunchen’s younger sister.

Before Tom could answer, the woman continued, “Anyway, we’re running late. Mark and Philippe are holding down the fort, but we have to move our asses _now_.”

She left the dancefloor, practically dragging Tom along with her.

And all I could do was watch them both walk away.


	4. Just a random encounter

_The kind of hope they all talk about  
The kind of feelings we sing about  
\- Go Radio_

\- - -

“Ali? Ali!”

I blinked once. Then twice. As if I’d just surfaced from a dream that had previously sucked me in like a whirlpool.

“Are you okay?” Jayna stood in front of me, her eyes wide with concern. It took me a second to register that her arm was on mine, shaking me gently.

“I’m fine,” I finally said. “I’m fine.” The pounding music and the bright strobe lights came streaming back in, jolting my senses awake.

“You don’t look fine,” Jayna stated.

We were still at the dance floor and in danger of being knocked over by dancing bodies, so Jayna led me to a table in a quiet corner of the lounge.

“Look, I’m sorry for spacing out just now,” I told Jayna, shaking my head to clear my mind properly.

“What happened? Are you drunk? Did you get drugged?!”

“No no, nothing like that. I didn’t mean to make you worried. It’s just that –“

How do I explain to Jayna the turn of events that had taken place after we had separated just now? Even I had trouble fathoming it all.

Maybe it was best to keep the story simple. Factual. Yes.

I shrugged before I continued, “I met Tom Holland again. We were both outside getting some fresh air. Then we came back in and danced for a while. And now he has just left for another party.”

“What! You were with Tom Holland? Holy crap, that’s crazy. No wonder I couldn’t get you on the phone at all. But geez, Ali. When I found you, you looked like someone had just run over your pet cat or something. What was up with that?”

Oh, right. Crap.

“Umm I think I was still processing everything, you know?” I forced a grin. “I mean, I was in the same breathing space as Tom Holland. And we shared a dance. It was kind of surreal.”

“Huh. I never thought I’d see the day when Ali Kinloch would have a starstruck moment. Although I have to agree that Tom Holland is very charming.” Jayna nodded with approval. “Do you follow his Instagram account? He seems like such a genuinely great guy. And he gets like 10,000 comments within the first 5 minutes of posting something. His fandom is totally next-level stuff."

“Yeah, he did seem really nice,” I answered in a casual tone.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was just a matter of being starstruck. When I thought of Tom Holland, I didn’t conjure up a mental image of a celebrity – someone who’s acted in huge money-making movies, who spends his time attending press events, signing autographs and posing for photos with screaming fans.

No, that wasn’t the picture I had in my mind at all. Instead, I saw that pair of twinkling brown eyes that seemed to communicate a private joke only the both of us knew. I saw the silly dance moves he made just to convince me to hit the dance floor with him. I saw the easy smiles of Trevor McGeek.

“Did you get his number or anything?” Jayna asked.

I shook my head no. “It was just a random encounter. No biggie. I wasn’t hoping for anything more.”

“Darn. I thought you could provide the access I needed. I honestly wouldn’t have minded interviewing him for my YouTube channel.” Jayna shrugged. “Oh well. At least this turned out to be a night to remember for you.”

“A night to remember indeed,” I echoed.

* * *

Two months later, I barely thought about the night of my random encounter with Tom Holland. Whatever strange feelings that had possessed me back then, had subsided. Thank goodness.

My world didn’t change overnight – life remained pretty much the same. College classes were still underwhelming but having Jayna in most of them did help. Work at Café Luna was only challenging when Lou got into one of his moods and started ranting about how nobody appreciated authentic Italian cuisine anymore.

“Ali, I think Lou is in one of his moods again.” Jayna’s voice broke into my thoughts.

I turned to peek at Lou. Lou was actually short for Luigi, and arrived in the great US of A about 20 years ago. He quickly got sick of the Mario and Luigi jokes, so he started going by Lou for his sanity’s sake.

I could see Lou pacing in the kitchen, muttering to himself. Before long, I knew he would step out from the kitchen and aim his mutterings at Jayna and I.

“You’ll need to pacify him with some groundbreaking news about Britney Spears then,” I said to Jayna as I went to clean up a table that had just been vacated by a customer.

Fun fact about my boss, Lou – he may be forty-five but when it came to Britney Spears, he was a squealing fan boy in his teens.

“She was caught lip syncing in yet another live performance, I think. Will that do?”

“We shall soon find out. He’d either calm down or start yelling at you to order something since you’ve already been here for an hour.”

Jayna laughed, then stopped when we heard the ringing of a phone. It came from the kitchen, and we both turned to see Lou exclaiming, “Hello! Hey. Yes, yes. This is Café Luna.”

“Wow, the last time I saw Lou looking this happy was when Britney said in a magazine that her favorite dessert was tiramisu,” Jayna remarked.

“Yeah, his good mood lasted for 2.5 days after,” I recalled. “Let’s hope this one stretches for 3 days.”

Lou hung up after 5 minutes. He appeared from the kitchen – and yes, his usual frowning face was smiling.

“What’s the good news, Lou?” Jayna chirped.

“Why are you still here? You’re not a paying customer.” Lou glared at her then relaxed the next moment, saying, “Anyway, perhaps you can come in handy this time. You and Alison here.”

“I aim to come in handy at all times,” I quipped with an exaggerated wide grin.

Lou grunted. “I got a call asking for catering service. Some fancy movie premiere thing, very exclusive. Only for 40 people, but I will need an extra waitress.” He seemed thoughtful. “Café Luna was highly recommended, it seems.”

“Congrats, Lou! That’s awesome. Of course I’d be honored to fill in as your extra waitress,” Jayna said. She shot me a grin, and I knew she was thinking about the celebrities she could pounce on for her YouTube channel.

I was glad for both Lou and Jayna too. But something was gnawing at my thoughts. “Lou, did they say who recommended Café Luna to them?”

Lou shrugged his shoulders. “I forget the name now. Was it Victor..? No, no. I think… I think it was a Trevor.”

“Trevor?” Jayna immediately threw me a loaded look. I’d told her about Trevor McGeek, of course.

Trevor…

All memories associated with _that_ night had been pushed away into some far recess of my mind. As they should be.

What else could I do, anyway? I wasn’t going to waste my time acting like a silly fan girl, sitting around and hoping… For what? There was nothing to hope for.

But now, with Lou’s phone call…

I didn’t know what to think.

Or feel.


	5. Like the movies

_Is it worthwhile waiting for you_

_Under the sky above New York_

_\- The Oceans_

_\- - -_

“It’s so crazy, but at the same time, it’s not that crazy, you know?”

I unlocked my front door, wiggling the key a few times because the lock was more than a little bit worn out. I guess ‘worn out’ was a fitting description for this tiny rented apartment I called home. But it gave me a sense of belonging, and that was good enough.

Jayna followed me in, still keeping up her chatter. “If Tom Holland actually bothered to track down the café you’re working at and offered a major catering job to Lou, _just for you_ … Wow. It must mean something, right?”

I shrugged. “Maybe he just likes a really good slice of tiramisu.”

I settled down into the couch and propped my feet on the coffee table. It had been a long day at Café Luna, but at least it provided the perfect distraction from this whole episode with Lou’s phone call earlier today. Till now, I haven’t had the chance to let everything sink in. And I wasn’t sure if I was ready to.

“Ali, are you sure nothing happened between you and Tom that night?” Jayna looked thoughtful. “I mean, I know we’ve run through it frame by frame a few times... But it sounds like you really left an impression on him!”

“I don’t know, Jays. I honestly doubt that it. Tom and I – we only met for like, half an hour. I know _you_ think I’m an awesome human being and all, but that’s only because you’re my best friend. But to everyone else, I’m hardly a fascinating specimen. Especially to a movie star who meets tons of people every day. If I were to assume anything more, it would just be laughable.”

Jayna plopped down next to me, twirling a strand of her hair as she spoke, “So you think we’re totally wrong about this?”

“For all we know, it really was an actual guy named Trevor who gave the recommendation.”

“We’ll see, won’t we?” Jayna still didn’t look fully convinced. “In a month’s time, we’ll find out.”

* * *

I stared into the stained mirror as I tied my shoulder-length hair into a bun. After securing it with several bobby pins, I decided I was ready.

“So are we all excited tonight?” Jayna’s face appeared next to mine in the mirror reflection. Her expression was definitely painted with excitement – mine wasn’t quite so.

The weeks had flown by, and before I knew it, I had arrived on the night of the movie premiere that Café Luna is catering for. We were not given any details of the movie and cast at all. It was all very hush-hush. The venue was at this event space somewhere in New York City, almost a two-hour drive away. I’ll be in the car with Jayna, who will be driving, while Lou will be taking his van, along with all of the food.

“You can be excited for the both of us,” I told Jayna.

Jayna rolled her eyes. “Fine, I will be the eternal optimist while you be –“

“A realist?” I suggested.

“I was going for Debbie Downer, actually,” Jayna teased. She nudged me to give her more room so that she could check her reflection properly.

I glanced at the mirror too. Our identical ensemble for the night consisted of a crisp white blouse, black bowtie and black skirt. We were in total waitress mode.

The funny thing was, though we were both blondes, Jayna and I couldn’t look more different. Her dark blonde hair flowed long and in waves, framing her sun-kissed complexion gracefully.

My blonde hair was pale and straight, and I had a tendency to snip it the moment it went past my shoulders. My face was on the paler side as well – and no amount of sun exposure seemed to help with this – with a sprinkling of freckles across my cheeks.

What else? Well, height-wise I was on the short side. But a lot of girls were short, right? My weight was pretty average. All in all, I’d say I was the ultimate average 21-year-old girl. And in all honesty, I was okay with that.

I’d always been comfortable being the wallflower in every social setting, though Jayna never stops trying to drag me into the limelight with her. To where the action happens. This pretty much described how I ended up being her party-crashing sidekick that fateful night.

And now here we were. I was filled with both curiosity and dread of the evening that lay ahead. Would I really be seeing _him_ again? And was I actually wishing that I wouldn’t? I just didn’t want to stir up those strange feelings once more.

“Looks like we’re good to go,” Jayna decided.

“Okay.” _Here goes nothing._

* * *

“I think that’s Ryan Reynolds!” Jayna squealed and almost lost balance of the tray of mushroom bruschettas she was holding.

“Jays, don’t forget you’re here for work,” I hissed.

“I’m cool,” Jayna declared, regaining her composure. “I’ll go see if Ryan wants some bruschettas.”

As it turned out, the movie premiere we were at was for Blake Lively’s latest release. It was an intimate affair set in a tastefully done up place with burgundy-hued decorations and white flowers. The crowd was made up of the cast, media people, fans and a handful of celebrities.

And as far as I could tell, Tom Holland was not among the celebrities who were there that night.

So I have to admit there was a part of me that is disappointed. I was so silly to overthink everything, although I partially blamed Jayna for encouraging me to.

 _But, life goes on._ It was fine. I just needed to focus on getting my job done for tonight, then I’d go home and open a bottle of wine. And wallow in my self-inflicted misery. Yes, it sounded like a solid plan.

“Hey, can we get more of those prosciutto things over here?” A bearded man in his 30s asked loudly.

I quickly walked over with my tray. Beard Man was wearing a tag that said ‘Media’ and he reeked of alcohol. I had to hold my breath as I served the requested finger food to Beard Man and the rest of his group.

“So… What else do you serve?” Beard Man asked me, leering closer. “Anything that’s.. under that short skirt of yours?”

What. The. Hell.

I immediately took a step back, but Beard Man reached out and gripped my wrist. The tray slipped from my hands, sending food and tiny plates crashing to the floor.

“Let go of me,” I said firmly, yanking my hand away.

“Don’t be such a tease,” Beard Man slurred.

“Hey, how about I tease you with my fist?” That familiar British accent.

Beard Man was sloshed, but apparently not sloshed enough to just ignore the voice that had just spoken to him. He turned to see Tom Holland glaring at him. A second later, a big, burly man appeared next to Tom – I guess he was part of the security team – and pulled Beard Man away from us.

I kneeled down on the floor, in an attempt to clean up the mess that Beard Man caused. I only realized my shaking hands when Tom kneeled down too(!), tapping his hand on mine, fleeting and gentle.

“Ali, are you okay?”

Was this a movie? Or maybe a dream? Things had happened so quickly, I couldn’t quite believe it. Was Tom Holland really here, in front of me, with concern in those brown eyes of his?

“I’m fine,” I managed to say. Something about seeing Tom worried for me, made me want to assure him that he had nothing to worry about. “But Lou is going to cry when he sees so much of his gourmet creation gone to waste like this.”

Tom let out a low, throaty laugh. “It’s amazing that you can crack a joke even in this situation.”

“What’s more amazing is how you’ve come to my rescue yet again,” I remarked. “Just like the movies.”

Tom shrugged. “Trevor McGeek is always happy to be at your service. And he knows a thing or two about the movies, I guess,” he said with a grin.


	6. Putting down the walls

_I don't know, I just can feel it in the atmosphere_

_If I'm wandering, I've wandered into just the right spot_

_\- Mayday Parade_

\- - -

“Here, sip this,” Jayna ordered as she handed me a glass of water.

“Thanks, Jays,” I said, taking the glass. “I swear I’m fine though.”

Jayna turned to Tom, who had followed us both to the back room of the event venue. “Thanks for being there for Ali,” she told him. Then a scowl washed over her face. “I would have _so_ kicked that guy’s ass if I’d been there! He wouldn’t even know what hit him.”

“No, yeah, I’m absolutely sure of that,” Tom responded with an amused nod. I didn’t blame him – Jayna could be really animated when something makes her angry.

“Hey Ali, maybe it’s time you sign up for a self-defense class? I attended this sort of thing once, and it was really helpful. I could show you the moves I learned –“

“Umm sure Jays, we can schedule it in one day.” I interrupted my best friend only because I knew she could go on and on. And Tom looked like he was too polite to step away from the conversation.

“For now though, I think it’s time we get back to work.” I glanced at Tom. “Thanks so much again, and I’m sorry that you had to get involved. You should probably get back too..?”

Tom’s phone rang at that moment. He slid his thumb across the phone screen to answer the call. “Hello? No, I’m in the back room. You just keep walking past all the doors.. Yep. Yep.”

“Who’s that?” Jayna asked after Tom hung up. She was always the first to be suspicious about everything, and never ashamed to show it.

“Oh, it’s Harrison. He’s a good friend of mine and he was wondering where I was. You don’t mind that he comes over to look for me, yeah?”

Jayna pursed her lips in thought. “Hmm, if he’s someone famous, can I interview him for my YouTube channel?”

Tom shrugged. “Sure.”

“Trevor, you just pimped your friend out. I hope you know that,” I said. Oh crap, why was I still calling him ‘Trevor’? I didn’t know why but it felt weird to suddenly start using ‘Tom’.

“And it goes without saying that you’ll get an interview slot too,” Jayna quickly added with a wide smile at Tom.

Tom’s eyebrows shot up. “I didn’t –“

“Hey everyone,” a jovial British-accented voice rang out from behind us. “What did I miss?”

We all turned and were greeted by the sight of a guy in light brown hair and a cheeky grin. He stood slightly taller than Tom, casually slinging one arm over Tom’s shoulder.

Tom did the introductions. “Ali and Jayna, meet Harrison Osterfield. Haz, meet Ali and Jayna.”

“Hi!” Jayna chirped. “Tom rescued Ali from some pervy asshole at the media tables just now.”

Harrison’s jaw dropped.

“It’s no big deal, really,” I insisted. “And hi, Harrison. Good meeting you.”

“Hello, girls. Wow, I didn’t know my boy here was a superhero in real life too,” Harrison said. “Well done, lad.”

Tom rolled his eyes.

“So what do you do, Harrison?” Jayna asked. “Tom says you’re famous. And that you’ll be happy to join him in being interviewed – I have this YouTube channel…”

“Whoa, hold on.” Harrison studied Jayna, still grinning. “I think I’ll need to get to know you better before I commit to anything.”

“Well, what would you like to know?”

Oh great. Jayna and Harrison were openly flirting, while I was standing there awkwardly, still holding onto my glass of water.

It was apparent that Tom noticed what I noticed. I wrinkled my nose and he chuckled.

As Jayna and Harrison continued talking, Tom took a few steps away, so he was further from them and closer to me.

“Hey,” he said in a hushed tone.

“What’s up?” I replied in an equally low tone.

“I just wanted to tell you.. that I’m sorry.”

“What! Whatever for?”

“This catering gig. It was my doing. Ryan Reynolds was asking if I knew of any good caterers, so…”

“So it _was_ you. But I don’t get why you’re apologizing…?”

“Well, the whole thing with the media guy who harassed you… It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t –“

“Are you serious? Oh my God, assholes are going to be assholes, and they’re everywhere. It’s totally not your fault!” I shook my head in disbelief. To think that Tom actually felt responsible for what had happened earlier… It’s insane.

Well, it was honestly also insane how he even remembered my name all these while. The look on his face and the sound of his voice when he said _Ali, are you okay?_ – it may be imprinted in my mind forever.

“I’m still really sorry anyway,” Tom said.

“Well, don’t be. It’s absolutely unnecessary. Save it for a time when you actually do something wrong, okay?” I joked.

Tom appeared deep in thought for a minute. Then he seemed to have thought of something. “Hey, are you doing anything after this?”

“Umm, I’m not sure yet,” I replied cautiously. “Why?”

“I was planning on catching Quentin Tarantino’s latest movie.. Once Upon A Time In Hollywood? There’s a really nice movie theater just two blocks from here. It’s got this classic vibe, with an old school concession stand and plush red chairs and all. Anyway, if you’re free, do you want to watch it? With me? I’ll ask Jayna and Harrison too.”

I didn’t know what to say. The thing was, for a good part of my life, I’d been putting up walls to keep most people out. Because of my past…

It was just better this way. Knowing that my world consisted of only those few whom I absolutely needed in my life – this was how I maintained some level of normalcy.

The question now was, did I want to let Trevor – I mean Tom – into my life, even if it was just a temporary pass for this one evening?

It was one thing to share the night view on an open deck with him; to agree to a dance together; to see him at a work event. These all happened by chance without any prior planning. Well, mostly.

But beyond that? To deliberately make a plan to hang out? I wasn’t sure. And it wasn’t even because he was someone famous, no. I was just so used to being guarded…

“Ali?” Tom prompted. He was looking at me right in the eye, with an encouraging smile.

Maybe I was overthinking. After all, it was just a movie. Two hours and we’d be done.

“Okay. Jayna and I will need to clean up and pack everything first, but yeah, I’m in. But it depends on Jayna though, because I hitched a ride from her.”

“Great. Let’s ask those two lovebirds,” Tom said. He waved at Jayna and Harrison. “Hey, you two!”

Harrison turned his attention from Jayna to Tom. “What is it?”

“Here’s the plan after this premiere is over. Let’s all catch Once Upon A Time In Hollywood at McFarlane Cinema. It’s really close by.”

“Sorry mate, I’ve got a date later tonight,” Harrison replied.

“I can’t either,” Jayna said, her regret evident in her voice. She glanced at me. “I promised Ben we’d meet once I’m back home tonight.”

“What? When did you get back together with Ben again?” I exclaimed, surprised.

“This afternoon,” Jayna admitted with a sheepish grin.

Both Harrison and Tom looked at Jayna and I, curious.

“Ben is my on-again, off-again boyfriend,” Jayna explained with full honesty.

Harrison laughed. “Well, let me know the next time it’s off again.”

“It depends though on how well your date goes tonight,” Jayna responded with a wink, not missing a beat.

“Sooo,” Tom said, apparently deciding to tune Jayna and Harrison out. “Ali, are you still up for the movie?”

“I guess not. Jayna’s my ride home,” I reminded Tom.

“I can arrange for our driver to get you home after the movie,” Tom offered. “If that’s okay with you. Hank is our regular driver, he’s really good. He doesn’t ever run a red light.”

“But Warren is two hours away from here. I don’t know. It sounds like such a hassle for the driver to make the long drive to and from there…”

“Go on ahead, Ali,” Jayna urged. “It sounds fun, and it’ll be good to relax after that disgusting episode you had tonight. I’m sure Tom would ensure you’re in good hands with the driver.”

“Yeah, it’s not a problem at all,” Tom stated.

I nodded. “Okay then. Sure. Let’s see if Tarantino delivers the goods with his new movie.”

Despite the tiny bit of hesitation that still remained somewhere inside, I decided to ignore it. I would just put down the walls, at least for tonight.

As the four of us shuffled out of the back room, I caught Jayna giving me a subtle, supportive thumbs up. I smiled at her, and thought to myself, _Let’s just let the night unfold in whichever way it wants_.


	7. This undefined connection

_Every word you say, I think I should write down_

_Don’t want to forget come daylight_

_\- Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk_

\- - -

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

I was waiting on the front steps with Jayna, after we had both helped Lou pack things up and load them into his van.

Tom and Harrison had found us in the midst of all of this, and I’d told Tom that I should be ready in another half an hour. Sure enough, both of them appeared to meet us right on the dot.

Tom had greeted us, and I had returned the greeting, a little breathlessly. I convinced myself it was just from the cold of the night that surrounded us.

“All right, you crazy kids. Have fun,” Jayna said as she fished her car keys out from her bag. “I’m off.”

“I’m going to go too,” Harrison announced while checking his phone. “My Uber ride is here.”

“Get home safely,” I told Jayna, then turned to Harrison. “Enjoy your date.”

“Sure. See you girls around,” Harrison said.

“Haz, are you sure you don’t want to get Jayna’s number before she goes?” Tom asked his friend innocently.

“Who says I haven’t already done that?” Harrison smirked.

Jayna laughed. “See you, Harrison. Bye, Tom.”

After one last round of saying goodbye, Tom and I started walking down the street. He had put on a black cap and changed out of his formal clothes for something more casual – a black leather jacket, black shirt and black jeans. He could not be more discreet looking, which I suppose came with the territory of being who he was.

I, on the other hand, was still dressed in my waitress outfit, with a denim jacket thrown over. Far from ideal, but then again, it was never in my plans to be out and about in New York City tonight, strolling side by side with Tom Holland.

“I think we’ll make it just in time for the 11.50PM show,” Tom said as he checked his watch.

“Great.” I felt my phone buzz, and opened up the onscreen notification to see a message from Jayna.

_[Jayna:] Are you guys holding hands??_

I typed back quickly.

_[Me:] Don’t be childish. And no texting while driving!_

I resumed my focus on Tom. “Do you think we’ll have time to get popcorn?” I wondered.

“Yeah, I think so.” Tom glanced at me. “You’re a popcorn person?”

“As much as the Pope is Christian,” I affirmed. “Are you?”

Tom laughed. “I’m not the biggest fan, but I wouldn’t say no if you passed me the tub.”

“I’ll think about it. I might just finish up the whole thing myself.”

“Cruel. Absolutely cruel. And I was about to offer to share my giant-sized milkshake.”

“Hang on. What flavor?”

“Well, I guess you’ll never find out now.”

“You’re absolutely cruel, Trev.”

At some point during our conversation, the rest of the world had melted away. I mean, I wasn’t totally unaware of the sidewalk we were on, and the people and bright lights of the shops we passed. But there was a soft, blurry quality about it all. It felt like I was only tuned in to the sound of Tom’s voice, the gentle chuckles that accompanied a lot of his sentences. Was it really a case of being starstruck? Or was it something else? I didn’t dare to think.

Before I knew it, we had arrived at the movie theater. Like Tom had said, it boasted of this glorious old world charm. I was sold. This cinema could be screening episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and I’d still be watching till the end, mesmerized.

Tom insisted that the movie was his treat, which I reluctantly agreed to. I didn’t see the need, since he wanted to make up for something that was not his fault at all. And it wasn’t a date. I was perfectly happy to pay for my own ticket.

But I had realized that Tom could be persistent when he wanted to, so that was that. In return, I offered to pay at the concession stand.

We grabbed our popcorn and drinks – Tom _did_ order a large vanilla milkshake, while I settled for Coke – then did a brisk walk to hall number 3 to make sure we didn’t miss the start of the movie.

As we settled into our seats, I was suddenly hyper aware of how close we would be for the next two hours or so.

Not that it was a problem, no.

I took a handful of popcorn then offered the tub to Tom.

“Oh wow, thanks,” he whispered.

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see. “Just eat,” I whispered back.

After passing the popcorn tub back and forth between us several times, Tom decided to take matters – or rather, the popcorn – into his own hands.

Leaning in, he whispered to me, “Allow me.”

He proceeded to position the tub so that it’s halfway between the both of us, and I could reach for the popcorn anytime I wanted. How sweet was that?

 _Trevor McGeek, you sure do make it hard for a girl to act nonchalant around you_ , I couldn’t help thinking in the dark movie hall, as Brad Pitt drawled on the screen before us.

But it didn’t matter. This nearness of him, this unexpected midnight movie outing, this moment, however nice it was… It was all fleeting. Before I knew it, it’d be over. The curtains would be drawn and we’d part ways soon enough.

So I cast aside all thoughts on this and paid full attention to Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. As it turned out, it was a pretty enjoyable movie.

“I think it was a solid 8 out of 10,” Tom declared as we exited the movie hall later.

I nodded my agreement. “I laughed so hard at the donut line.”

Tom broke into laughter. “Yeah, that was great. This movie was exactly what I needed after a long day.”

“Oh, what did you get up to?”

He lowered his eyes for a second then glanced back up at me. “I was in London before I flew over here. My uncle.. He’s sick and we’re all pretty worried. I actually missed my flight, and had to catch the next one. I almost didn’t make it to the movie premiere tonight.”

“I’m so sorry to hear about your uncle. I hope he’ll be okay,” I said softly, fighting the urge to give him a huge hug. I felt so bad for making him bring it up.

“Thanks.”

I briefly checked the time on my phone – it was already past 2.30AM, wow.

Tom noticed and said, “It’s late. Let’s get you home. You must be tired.”

“Oh, I’m fine. But _you_ should definitely get back and get a good rest.”

“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to fall asleep..”

“Because you’re worried about your uncle?”

“Yeah… Plus it’s breakfast time in London.” A slight smile returned to Tom’s lips.

I smiled wryly. “Didn’t you finish up an entire giant milkshake by yourself? And you stole half of my popcorn too.”

“What? I knew you were having trouble eating everything on your own. I was just helping,” Tom insisted.

“Mm, but now that you mention breakfast.. Pancakes and a good strong cup of coffee would be great right about now.”

“No way. Nothing beats sausage and eggs with lots of milky tea.”

“Tea?! I could never function without coffee in the morning.”

Tom shrugged. “Tea is the British way and I stand by it through and through.”

My attention was momentarily stolen by the sights and vibes of New York City at 3AM. Everywhere, neon lights were still buzzing, and yellow taxis were still honking as they whizzed by. But it was all a quieter kind of vibrancy, if that even made sense.

“The city’s amazing at this hour, isn’t it?” Tom mused, as if reading my mind.

The space between us had narrowed noticeably now, as if every line of conversation we exchanged was bringing us closer.

I had to remind myself to respond. “Yeah. It’s like it’s running on a more subdued energy level, trying to fight its bedtime.”

“Right.”

“Not unlike you, Trev.”

The way Tom looked at me straight in the eye, still smiling, was almost unnerving. “How is it that it feels like you’ve known me for years, not just days?”

“Well, the Internet is really useful that way,” I joked.

Tom laughed.

“Seriously though, aren’t you worried I’m some crazed fan who’s been stalking you all these while and you end up gagged and bound in my scary dusty basement?”

This time, Tom laughed extra hard. “No offense, Ali.. But nobody would ever believe you to be a psycho kidnapper.”

“It’s because I’m short, isn’t it?” I sighed.

“No, I would never underestimate someone’s criminal abilities based on their height. But yeah, with you, I just honestly can’t say I’ve ever worried for my life.”

“There goes one career option I need to strike out.”

“What else were you considering in that list of careers?”

“A juggler, a hula hoop dancer, an ER doctor.. And perhaps a rodeo rider.”

“Exactly what any normal person would aspire to be.”

“Right?”

“I hope it works out for you – one of them, or all.”

“I’m taking economics in college, so evidently I’m getting there.”

“Economics? For real?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t know what to study,” I admitted. “I still don’t know, actually.”

“There must be something you’re interested in.”

I paused before saying, “I guess I wasn’t fully kidding about wanting to become an ER doctor.”

Tom grinned. “That sounds cool. Why ER in particular?”

“I guess it’s because the job requires you to be so much more than just a medical practitioner – you have to act quickly and trust your instincts. It’s such a difficult and taxing job, but really rewarding too. Helping those in the greatest time of need.”

“I like that. But… Why aren’t you studying medicine then?”

“It’s a lot of money. Too much money.”

“What about scholarships and other financial aids?”

“I guess..” I looked down. “I just don’t know if I’m good enough.”

“I’m sure you are.” Tom’s voice was filled with sincerity.

I shrugged my shoulders.

“It’s not my place to push you or anything. But I think you should definitely give it a try.”

“Hmm.”

“Promise me you’ll think about it?”

He sounded so earnest, I had to agree. “Okay, Trev. I promise.”

“Good. Hey, it’s _really_ late now, so I’m going to call Hank to pick us up, okay?”

As Tom spoke on the phone, I checked my own phone. Jayna had sent me more than 10 messages. I scrolled down to the last one.

_[Jayna:] Hello?? Is everything okay? Have you and Tom fallen in love and eloped to Vegas or something?_

Love? I didn’t know about that. One thing was for sure though. I’ve never shared this much laughter and serious talking and honest emotions with someone – all in the same night.

This warm, yet heart-wrenching, undefined connection had gotten to me bad.

And the thought of saying goodbye to him soon was suddenly a lot harder to bear.


	8. That hesitation

_Let's be hopeful, don't get broken_

_And stay caught up in the moment_

_\- James Bay_

\- - -

It didn’t take long for Hank to arrive in a black SUV with windows tinted as dark as the cup of Americano I had this morning. I climbed into the back seats, followed by Tom.

“Hey, Hank,” Tom greeted our driver.

Knowing that Jayna was getting worried, I typed a quick reply to her.

_[Me:] Sorry for not replying! Tom and I took a walk after the movie. About to head home. Tell you everything later k_

Hank waved hello from the front. “Where to, Tom? Your hotel?” he asked.

“Uhh.” Tom looked at me. “Ali, I’m thinking I should come along with Hank as he sends you home.”

My eyes widened. “What? No, that’s crazy. Just get Hank to drop you back at your hotel first.”

“It’s just that it’s so late now and it’s your first time riding with Hank –“

“It’s perfectly fine, really,” I insisted. “You would be taking a four-hour ride in total for nothing. And the sights on the way to Warren aren’t anything breathtaking, I can assure you.”

Tom still looked unconvinced. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Thanks for the thoughtful gesture though,” I said with a smile.

Tom smiled back, then said, “Okay, Hank. Hotel first, then to Ali’s place in Warren, please.”

“You got it.”

“Thanks, Hank.” Tom leaned against his seat comfortably, then spoke to me, “Hey, what did you think about Harrison and Jayna earlier tonight?”

I chuckled. “What did _you_ think?”

“The way they were tossing flirtatious words back and forth, it was like a tennis match. Jayna is definitely Harrison’s type. I wouldn’t be surprised if he asks her out one day.”

“Jayna is everyone’s type,” I said – not with envy but with pride, of course. “She can get along with just about anyone, and she’s so fun to be with. Guys just can’t help falling for her.”

“She is very bubbly and chatty, yeah,” Tom replied with a nod.

I couldn’t help wondering… Was Jayna his type as well? I honestly wouldn’t be surprised. But then, there was no way in hell I’d ever ask him.

Tom cleared his throat. “But I think some guys would prefer girls who are less.. extroverted.”

I was staring out of the window but his remark made me turn and look at him. “Really?” I didn’t bother masking my doubt.

Tom laughed. “Don’t get me wrong. I know that Jayna is your best friend and she’s an incredibly lovely girl to hang out with and all. But I can imagine her operating at 120% energy level all the time. I’m personally not sure if I’d be able to keep up.”

“So your girlfriend is more of an introvert then?” I ventured a guess. All of a sudden, my mind flashed back to the memory of the stunning Giselle Bundchen-lookalike woman who had whisked Tom off to somewhere else on the first night we met. Was that his girlfriend? The kind of pace that he could keep up with?

Tom seemed a little surprised by my question. “Well, I don’t have a girlfriend right now, but yeah. I think it’s nice when you can be with someone and have these moments when neither of you are talking but it’s still – enough. And comfortable.”

“Yeah, that’s the best feeling,” I said softly.

_Just like how it is with you, Trev. And I don’t even know why I can’t be like this with anyone else. Why does it have to be you?_

“Ali…” Tom’s voice was suddenly lower, quieter. Even in our dim surroundings, I could feel the burn of his intense gaze.

My heartbeat raced. “Y-yes?” I managed to squeak out.

He was silent for a moment – it felt like an eternity – then finally he exhaled loudly. “Umm, so I’m really ravenous right now. Do you want to get some sushi?”

I blinked. My heart stopped. What did he just say?

Tom shifted his gaze away as he spoke casually, “There’s a great little sushi takeout place not too far from here. We can swing by real quick. Hank wouldn’t mind us snacking at the back.”

My mind had not caught up – it was stuck in the moment before this, still suspended in Tom’s intense gaze.

But I willed myself to function at a semi-decent level until we parted ways. I took in a shaky breath and said, “Uhh sure. Sounds good.”

Tom proceeded to direct Hank to the sushi place, while I sat back, reeling from the exchange we just had. It was so weird. Was I imagining things, or did Tom totally switch the direction of our conversation at the most pivotal point? That hesitation wasn’t something I had imagined, was it?

The strangest part of all was the amount of conflicted emotions I was experiencing right now.

Half of my heart was undoubtedly crushed, from hoping against hope for words that never got spoken. I knew for sure now that charming and earnest Trevor McGeek had, without any prior warning, found a spot in this half-heart portion of mine. What I couldn’t say for sure was how long his stay was going to be.

But. I couldn’t deny that there was the other half of me inside that was.. _relieved_. This incessantly cautious side did not want me to continue the conversation with Tom. It wasn’t ready for what might have been. It wasn’t ready to be… vulnerable.

For just a second, I allowed myself to think about my parents and my younger sister, Megan. How one horrific night could rob me of my family, just like that. My entire world collapsed overnight, and my 13-year-old self just did not know how to cope. So I retreated into a shell. And it looked like I never fully emerged from it, even till now.

I missed Mom. I missed Dad. I missed sweet little Meg. And at times, I still couldn’t get over the fact that I would never ever get to see them again.

People always left, and sometimes it wasn’t even their decision. In which case, there was no point in letting anyone in, was there?

In my cocooned world, Jayna was the only exception to the rule. Mostly because she forced her way in to my life. We were in the same classes in middle school, and when she heard the news of my orphan status, she decided that I needed a friend – and it was going to be her. She would insist on sitting next to me for every lesson. And during lunch time, she made sure to plop down at the same table as me in the cafeteria. I’d asked her countless of times why, and her response was always a shrug and a “Why not?”. At 13, Jayna was already highly protective of me. I suppose some things never changed, and I was forever thankful for that.

“Here we are,” Tom announced, jolting me from my unplanned-for extensive thoughts.

I peered through the window and spotted the tiny shopfront with a signboard boasting the words ‘Tomoe Sushi’.

Tom made a move toward the vehicle door. “Wait here while I go and grab our supper, yeah?”

I nodded my reply and watched Tom as he left. I took the opportunity to give myself a quick mental pep talk – I didn’t quite have control over my feelings for Tom, but I could still ensure that this last leg of our ride together was pleasant.

After all, he _did_ come to my rescue during the movie premiere earlier. And took me out for amovie. And now he was out there getting us sushi. All of which points to him being an amazing human being. How could I not appreciate that? I owed it to the both of us to act totally normal, and I would be unaffected by what he might or might not say. Yes.

Before I knew it, Tom had returned with a selection of Japanese delicacies.

“I hope you like baby octopus,” he told me with a grin as he lifted up the sushi box he was holding.

“Uhh no,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “You sound like you’re a huge fan though, so please take them all.”

Tom let out a cheeky laugh. “No, I’m just kidding. I find it gross too.” He passed me a pair of disposable chopsticks before opening the sushi box. “All right. We have some tuna, salmon, California rolls… Oh, and I got some egg sushi rolls too.”

“I’m glad you didn’t buy out the entire store’s sushi supply, Trev,” I commented wryly.

“Of course. The rest of the customers can enjoy the baby octopus.”

Hank eased the SUV out of its parking spot and got us back on the main road.

Tom and I tucked into the sushi spread he bought, with him trying to get me to sample everything.

“This is so good. You must have some,” Tom enthused, using his chopsticks to point at the California rolls. “Ohh, and the tuna is great too. Have you tried it?”

It went on like this for the next 15 minutes. I didn’t know how, but we had somehow managed to empty the sushi box. Tom definitely had eaten more than I did – I guess he wasn’t joking about being ravenous.

As if on cue, the SUV began to slow down and Hank announced, “Tom, here’s your hotel.”

“Thanks, Hank. Give me a sec.” Tom turned to me, a shy smile on his lips. “Well, thanks for coming out with me, movie and walk and sushi and all. I hope you weren’t too bored, and I hope you’re really okay after the assault from that jerk.”

“I’m totally fine. And no way was I bored. I had fun,” I assured him as I tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear, suddenly shy too. “Thank you so much for – well, everything tonight.”

“Anytime,” Tom replied with so much sincerity, I actually ached.

“So, same time tomorrow?” I let slip the joke before I could think it through. _Nice one, Ali. Now he’s going to change his mind about how incapable I was of being a psycho._

Tom chuckled in surprise, but seemed unfazed. “Wow, I must’ve been more impressive of a date than I thought,” he joked back.

Did he say ‘date’? But it was meant as a joke, so I told myself not to give it too much thought.

“I came with zero expectations, so.” I cleared my throat. “Anyway, I’m going to let you go now.”

“Okay. Can you text me when you’re safely home?”

“Oh… Sure.” Now we were exchanging numbers? I didn’t see that coming. And I wondered, were we at least friends now?

“Let me give you my number.”

I gave him my phone so that he could punch in his digits. I then gave his number a missed call so that his phone could capture my number.

“All right. Take care, Ali,” Tom said.

For a second, I was taken back to the night we first met, when he disappeared so abruptly. This time around, I had the chance to say a proper goodbye. I should make the best out of it, shouldn’t I?

“You too, Trev.” I paused for one second, inhaled, then leaned in to plant the quickest, softest kiss on his right cheek. He smelled nice, like a mix of the citrus scent he was wearing the first night and something sweet and woody, perhaps from his shampoo. At the risk of sounding like an obsessive person (again), I wish I could bottle the scent and bring it home with me.

If Tom was shocked by my action, he didn’t show it. He smiled and said, “See ya, Ali,” before exiting the vehicle.

“See ya, Trev,” I whispered, but he was already gone.

“Ali, can I have your address?” Hank asked, glancing at me from the rear view mirror. “I’ll key it into the GPS.”

“Sure, Hank. It’s 2085, Mapleton Street, Warren.”

I collapsed in my seat like a deflated balloon, weary from a long evening. And now that I was at the tail end of it, my emotions were all over the place. I let my eyelids close, but it didn’t help erase the image of Tom’s smiling face. His low yet boyish voice, telling me things that got me laughing so much. Those unforgettable brown eyes that seemed to look right into my soul. The touch of his hand on mine as he asked if I was okay after the incident with Beard Man. The way he looked at me when he said he preferred girls who were less extroverted…

I didn’t realize I’d dozed off until I felt my phone vibrating, again and again. A call. I cracked one eye open to see the caller’s name – Trevor McGeek.

“Hello?” I said, a little breathlessly. Because I’d been sleeping just a few seconds before, of course.

“Hey,” Tom’s voice was warm and comforting, as if he was speaking right into my ear. “Just wanted to make sure your ride is okay so far?”

I smiled, even though he couldn’t see it. “Yeah, it is. I think we just got onto the highway. Thanks for checking in.”

“No problem.”

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“Yeah, soon. I just got out of the shower. Trying to decide what to wear tomorrow – I mean later today…”

“What exciting plans do you have?”

Tom exhaled loudly. “A radio interview, then a couple of store appearances with Jake Gyllenhaal to promote the upcoming Far From Home DVD release. Then a dinner thing with Jake and Haz before I fly to LA, where I’ve got a photoshoot the next day.”

“In that case, I think a bright pink Hawaiian shirt will be perfect.”

“Perfect. I happen to have one in my suitcase. You know, you should add fashion consultant to your list of career aspirations.”

“I’ll be sure to let my college know that I’m switching majors.”

Tom laughed. “But don’t give up the juggling. That’s pretty cool.”

“Oh good grief, you remembered the list?” I asked, horrified. “It was so random, even I’ve forgotten what I said.”

“No, I remember every word you say... Just in case there’s ever a need for blackmail.”

That got a laugh out of me. “Well, you’d be choosing the right victim because I have tons of valuable worldly possessions. Like this stash of Eminem CDs that’s worth millions by now, I bet.”

“Mm, I think Drake’s stuff would fetch a higher price.”

I wished we never had to hang up, but I felt bad for keeping Tom on the line at this hour. “Trev, I really think you should hit the sack. If you’ve settled your outfit for tomorrow.”

“Okay. I’m going with a navy blue shirt and grey jeans.”

“Sounds good.”

“Thanks, Ali. Big help.”

“Anytime.”

“So, same time tomorrow?”

I burst into laughter. “Now you’re just making fun of me.”

“I could never. And before you say it again, I _will_ go to bed now.”

“Great.”

“Get home safely, Ali. Don’t forget to text.”

“Sure thing. Good night, Trev.”

“Good night, Ali.”

I tapped the red button on my phone screen to hang up, then let out a sigh.

The question that I should’ve asked Tom but didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t… It now lingered on my mind, flashing neon like the lights we saw in New York City tonight: _Who am I to you?_


	9. Zero stability

_I told myself don't get attached_

_But in my mind I play it back_

_Spinning faster than the plane that took you_

_\- Taylor Swift_

\- - -

“Gay.”

I was about to bite into an apple, but stopped when Jayna spoke. “What?” I asked her.

It was the following night and Jayna had dropped by my apartment to catch up on things.

At the moment, she was leaning against the wall near my dresser, arms folded across her chest. “I’m sorry, but that seems to be the only plausible explanation. If Tom Holland isn’t gay, then I don’t know what was up with the weird evening you two had together.”

“Jays! That’s a huge thing to accuse someone of,” I chided her from where I sat on my queen-sized bed, then attempted again to eat my apple. Success this time.

Jayna smirked. “Just kidding. But you got to admit, it would make sense.”

I chewed on a piece of apple, shrugging. “Yeah. I mean, the more we talked, the more confused I got. He was friendly, but it seemed like there was this invisible line that he didn’t want to cross. And yet, he did – several times,” I muttered after taking a particularly huge bite.

“Well, it sounded like he was _this_ close to saying something about his feelings for you,” Jayna stated, still too agitated to sit down. “Then he switched gears and suggested supper when it was already super late and he was supposed to be heading back to his hotel. And he gave you his number. Then you kissed him on the cheek – great move, by the way! I didn’t know you had it in you – but he skedaddled out of there without saying anything or returning the gesture. Later on, he called you and kept a conversation going when he should be sleeping. Why would he do all of that if he wasn’t interested at all in you?”

“Maybe it’s just how the British are – overly polite and nice and caring? I don’t know.”

I threw a glance at my phone that was resting nearby on my pillow. The screen said 10.58PM, and it also said zero messages.

I had, as requested, sent Tom a text message as soon as I’d stepped into my apartment. There was no reply, which was not unexpected. And I had to admit I felt better knowing that Tom had drifted into slumber, getting what little rest he could before his brand new day started.

But… I would be lying if I said I didn’t wonder about hearing from him at some point today. Or was he already on his flight to LA? I now wished he hadn’t shared his schedule with me. It was all too easy to fall into an obsessive state.

“So wait. Tom said he doesn’t have a girlfriend,” Jayna said thoughtfully. She pushed herself up straight, no longer leaning against the wall.

She started pacing around my bedroom area, and I could sense a new hypothesis brewing. “But he didn’t outright claim to be single. Could it be that he’s commitment-phobic and he likes variety when it comes to romantic partners?”

“In other words, you think he’s a player,” I concluded coolly, refusing to feel any hurt. “Entirely possible, especially given his celebrity status.” I took one last bite of the apple before setting the core on top of a magazine I’d been reading in bed. Sometimes the trash can was just too far away.

“I don’t know…” Jayna stopped mid-pace, turning to me with wide blue eyes. “I mean, it’s one theory. But at the same time, I have this gut feeling that Tom isn’t that kind of person? I mean, if I had the slightest bad feeling about him, I wouldn’t have encouraged you to go out with him after the movie premiere.”

“Yeah, you practically shoved me into that movie outing with him,” I reminded her.

“You two were too shy to get things going!” Jayna defended herself. She had resumed her pacing. “Look at me and Harrison. We were efficient – oh hang on, I can ask Harrison what the deal is with his buddy.”

“ _No._ Don’t, Jays,” I pleaded. The last thing I wanted was to get more people involved in this thing that wasn’t really anything to begin with.

Jayna finally calmed down enough to plop down next to me on the bed. She studied me before saying, “When it comes down to it, all that matters is what you want out of this, Ali.”

“I know,” I agreed, sighing. “If only I’m sure of what that is.”

Jayna pursed her lips in thought and spoke softly, “Well… Do you want Trevor McGeek in your life? Or not?”

“Umm.” That was a good question. Did I? “I guess the short answer is yes…”

“But?” Jayna prompted me.

“I don’t want things to be complicated,” I said. “And right now, things are definitely not simple.”

“Yep.”

I ran a hand through my hair absent-mindedly as I thought things through. “The only way to keep it simple is to treat Tom as a friend, and nothing else. No expectations, no going further than that. I just need to be firm.”

“It won’t be easy...”

“I know…”

“Especially when he fixes his swoon-inducing brown eyes on you,” Jayna teased.

“Are you trying to support or sabotage me here?” I huffed, whacking my best friend lightly on the arm as she burst into laughter. “How are things with Ben anyway? And where does Harrison fit in this picture?”

Jayna shrugged. “Ben says he’s happy with us right now. But he stopped short of defining what ‘us’ actually meant at this point.”

“That’s awful. You know you deserve so much better, Jays,” I pointed out.

“I’m not entirely upset,” Jayna admitted. “I’m twenty-one and he’s twenty – we’re still so young. If Ben doesn’t want to be tied down by the shackles of a traditional relationship, I have to say that I kinda get it.”

“And Harrison…?”

“He seems like a fun guy, and he said he’ll call me up the next time he’s in New York. But it’s not like I’ll be holding my breath, you know? His job has zero stability and takes him all over the world.”

“Yeah. And that goes for Tom too. Everything with him is so uncertain. It’s all the more reason I should just maintain a straightforward friendship with him, if we even keep in touch at all after this. I need to do it for the sake of my sanity.” I peeked at my phone again. Still nothing. I told myself it was fine. I didn’t need anything to shake the foundation that my world had been carefully built upon.

Jayna inched closer and rested her head on my shoulder. “You’ve still got me, no matter what. And I’ve got you. We’ll be okay.”

I felt a surge of love for my best friend. “We will,” I agreed. “Who needs a couple of sweet and charming British heartbreakers anyway, right?”

* * *

The bay windows at the front of Café Luna needed some cleaning. I knew this because Lou yelled it to me from the kitchen.

Since we’d just passed the busy morning period, I got to the task immediately, retrieving a stack of paper towels and a pail of soapy water.

The pale autumn sunlight streamed in through the windows and I realized that it had been close to two months since that night in New York City with Tom. Strange how it now felt like a lifetime ago.

In between wiping the large glass panes, I checked my phone for emails. It had been a little over a week since I’d sent my enquiries about scholarships for medical students, and also typed an email to my college administration to ask about switching to a health and medical major.

I knew I had Tom to thank for kicking this into gear for me. It was still uncertain if I would ever make it to medical school in my hopes of becoming a doctor, but I had to try. The memory of Tom’s supportive smile popped up from time to time – a reminder of how I had someone other than Jayna who believed in me. It was also unfortunately a reminder of how I could never fully erase Trevor McGeek from my thoughts.

But I would settle for 99%. Okay, 83% might be a more accurate number.

The occasional, seemingly random text messages from him didn’t help things. The first one arrived about ten days (yes, I did count) after New York City, while I was in the middle of an afternoon shift at Café Luna:

_[Trevor:] Random but I’m a million miles away in Korea and craving for Lou’s tiramisu. Argh ;)_

I had shown the message to Jayna. Her suggested reply was, ‘ _Hop on the next plane here then. I’ll save you the largest, most delectable piece ;) ;)_ ’, but I told her it was just not my style to say stuff like that. It was a classic Jayna response for sure.

Instead, I snapped a picture of the tiramisu and sent it to Tom with the caption, ‘ _Hope this helps curb the craving :P You’re welcome’_.

Another time, my phone buzzed and the following chat ensued:

_[Trevor:] Guess what I just ruined my AirPods_

_[Trevor:] Forgot to take them out before showering_

_[Trevor:] I’m a genius_

_[Me:] Good job_

_[Me:] The most important question is of course, what song were you listening to when it happened??_

_[Trevor:] Robbie Williams - Eternity. Do you know it?_

_[Me:] I know him but not that particular song_

_[Trevor:] It’s old but gold :)_

_[Me:] I’ll be sure to check it out then_

_[Trevor:] You were there for summer dreaming…_

_[Trevor:] That’s from the chorus_

_[Me:] :) Aww_

_[Me:] Is that yours and Harrison’s song?_

_[Trevor:] We did share some really romantic moments this summer_

_[Me:] Lol I’m sure_

_[Me:] Feel free not to overshare_

_[Trevor:] Canoodling on the beach…_

_[Trevor:] In the car…_

_[Trevor:] At the cinema…_

_[Trevor:] In the bathtub…_

_[Me:] Okay bye Trev_

_[Trevor:] HAHA no I’m sorry don’t go_

I held on to my decision to treat Tom as a friend and nothing more. It was easy when I reminded myself that I was just another 21-year-old college kid – I mean, I was all right, but I was nowhere near outstanding in any way. Why would Tom see me as anything different from the tons of people he met every day?

This question lingered yesterday, when he had dropped a text message while I was at home doing some late-night studying for an upcoming test.

_[Trevor:] Helloo_

_[Me:] Heyy_

_[Trevor:] Oh good you’re still awake_

_[Trevor:] I can’t sleep and I’m bored as hell_

_[Me:] What time is it where you are?_

_[Trevor:] I’m in Philly right now_

_[Trevor:] Same time zone as you ;)_

_[Trevor:] But I’m super jetlagged… Was in Australia before this_

_[Me:] Yikes_

_[Me:] Ok well you’ve come to the right place_

_[Me:] Do you prefer a knock knock joke or a blonde joke?_

_[Trevor:] Ooh I have a knock knock joke_

_[Me:] …._

_[Trevor:] Knock knock_

_[Me:] Nobody’s home_

_[Trevor:] Cmon Ali :) :) :)_

_[Trevor:] Humour me_

_[Me:] Okok who’s there?_

_[Trevor:] Spell_

_[Me:] Spell who?_

_[Trevor:] W. H. O._

_[Trevor:] Hahaha_

_[Me:]_ _*thumbs down emoji*_

_[Me:] That’s 2 secs of my life I’m never getting back_

_[Trevor:] Thx for always being such a good sport Ali :)_

_[Trevor:] How are you?_

_[Me:] Sleepy_

_[Me:] Studying for a test rn_

_[Me:] Fun stuff_

_[Trevor:] What subject?_

_[Me:] World econs history *sleeping emoji*_

_[Me:] Do you miss school?_

_[Trevor:] Sometimes yeah_

_[Trevor:] When’s your test? Tomorrow?_

_[Me:] No, the day after tomorrow_

_[Trevor:] Good luck :)_

_[Trevor:] Break a leg_

_[Me:] Lol I think that’s only for performances, not tests :P_

_[Me:] I don’t wanna break anyone’s leg.. I think_

_[Trevor:] Haha_

_[Trevor:] Try not to study too late_

_[Trevor:] Do you have classes tomorrow?_

_[Me:] Only a 3pm lecture_

_[Me:] Will be working at Luna in the morning_

I didn’t mention it in my chat with Tom last night, but I would also have a date that same night with Owen, a guy in my Statistics class. We had previously gone out for coffee after class one rainy afternoon – nothing major, but the conversation had been easy. Owen talked a lot about the mini trials and tribulations of his part-time job at the book store, which mostly involved having to deal with millennial book lovers.

“They come in, asking you about Orwell and Tolstoy. Then you see them leaving with the latest _Twilight_ -inspired series,” Owen had told me as we sipped our hot lattes, his tone colored in equal parts by anguish and amusement.

I liked how Owen had this shy smile that spread all over his face whenever I looked at him. I liked how he got excited when he shared his favorite books and asked about the latest movies I’d seen. I liked how he was here, so present. So simple and open about his interest in me.

With Owen, there was a clear, possible path to walk on together. I had my usual apprehension about letting new people into my life, of course, but there was plenty of time to get to know Owen better. He was there in class. He was only a call away if I wanted to meet up. He was accessible.

_Unlike Trevor…_

My reverie broke when I heard the tinkle of the bells and felt the breeze that blew in, as the doors to Café Luna opened.

I placed down the paper towel I was holding and turned to greet the new customer. “Welcome to Ca –“

The rest of my words never got out. Instead, I took in a surprised breath as I stared at the figure standing in the doorway.

This was the last person I was expecting to see. Were my eyes playing a trick on me, or was it really….

“Trev?” I called out.


	10. A friendly face

_You hold me without touch_

_You keep me without chains_

_\- Sara Bareilles_

_\- - -_

It took more than a moment to process the sight before me.

That twinkling pair of brown eyes. That easy smile. The forehead-brushing curls.

“Hello Ali.” That warm, slightly husky voice.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, forgetting to even say hello back.

Tom shrugged, still smiling, as if his appearance was nothing out of the ordinary. “I was on the way to New York City and then decided to make a pit stop for some of Lou’s tiramisu.”

“Wow. Lou will be honored to hear that.”

“Did I disturb you? You look like you’re in the middle of –“ Tom paused, gesturing at where I was standing, with the pail and used paper towels on the window sill next to me.

“No. Well, yes. But it’s not a big deal. Let me get you a table first.”

I was more than a little flustered for sure by Tom’s unannounced presence. I had to remind myself to breathe as I led Tom to a small round table close to the pastry display.

“Do you know what you’d like? Or can I get you a menu?”

“I know I definitely want a slice of the tiramisu.”

“Good choice. How about some coffee to go with that?”

“Yes, I’ll have a latte, please.”

“Sure. Coming right up.”

I quickly washed my hands before steaming the milk for the coffee and preparing the espresso shot on the machine. Once I was done making the latte, I transferred a tiramisu slice from the display onto a clean plate.

“Here you go,” I said when I brought the cup and plate to Tom’s table.

“Cheers,” he replied with a huge smile.

“Enjoy.”

“I will. Hey, Ali. Do you get to go on a break anytime soon?”

“My shift will end in another forty-five minutes, actually,” I told him.

“Okay. I won’t need to get back on the road for another two hours or so. I’ll let you get back to work now and we can catch up later?”

“Sure thing.”

At that moment, Lou emerged from the kitchen, saying loudly, “Ali, are you chit chatting with Jayna when you’re supposed to be working – again?”

“Of course not, Lou,” I responded with a huff. “I’m just serving one of your loyal customers here. You know, Tom Holland?”

“Tom who?” Lou came over to the table, scrutinizing Tom with suspicion.

“The actor from Spider-Man and The Avengers. You watch E! News every night, so you oughta know.”

“Tom Hiddleston?”

I rolled my eyes, while Tom laughed.

“No, Lou. That’s the other Tom,” I clarified. “Tom here, he was the one got you the catering gig in New York City with Blake Lively.”

“Ah!” Lou’s eyes lit up. “You like our tiramisu very much!”

“Yes,” Tom confirmed with an enthusiastic nod.

I left the two of them to talk while I resumed my window cleaning task. I snuck glances at Tom, noting how good he looked in a dark denim jacket and light grey tee. His hair had grown longer, curlier.

I wished I had been friendlier to him, and had let him know how glad I was to see him. It was just that I was so unprepared for him to show up in one of my comfort zones, and now Café Luna felt a bit different with him in it.

As if reading my mind, Tom turned to look at me from where he was. I gave him a quick smile then looked away.

 _He’s just a friend_ , I reminded myself. _And he’s only here to satisfy a craving for cake. There’s no need to get caught up in emotions._

So why was my heart still beating twice as fast?

* * *

“It’s a gorgeous day. Let’s take a walk?” Tom suggested as I removed my waist apron to signal the end of my work shift.

“Okay. Just give me a sec.” I went to retrieve my backpack and jacket from behind the counter. After yelling a quick “Bye!” to Lou, I met Tom at the door. Together, we walked out into the crisp autumn air.

“How did you enjoy your coffee and cake?” I asked.

“It was amazing,” Tom declared. “Between Lou’s tiramisu and your ace cup of latte, I think I’ve found my favoritest café ever.”

Despite his exaggerated words, I beamed. He was just constantly filled with such positivity and enthusiasm – Tom was like this eternal ray of light assaulting the muted landscape that had been my world for so long.

I mean, I wasn’t unhappy. That wasn’t the case at all. But I guess I couldn’t remember the last time I was truly happy, just being _me_. And in walked Tom Holland, who somehow made me feel like it was enough to be just me. Despite the cracks and broken pieces. It was okay. I was okay.

I tucked my hands in the pockets of my jacket, still smiling as I replied, “Great. I can give up my dream of becoming a doctor and rely on my winning barista skills for life.”

Tom laughed and was about to respond when two girls stepped right onto our path, making us halt mid-stride. One was a redhead and another had dark hair and an olive complexion – both didn’t look a day over fifteen, and they could barely contain the excitement and nervousness on their faces as they gazed at Tom.

“Tom! We’re really, really big fans of yours,” the redhead spoke, her eyes darting in my direction before fixating on Tom again. “If it’s not a bad time, can we get a picture together?”

“Uh, sure,” Tom said, throwing me an apologetic look before giving his attention to the two girls.

I stepped aside and whipped out my phone, randomly tapping and scrolling at the screen without really focusing. I couldn’t explain why but the scene that was unfolding before me was a jolt to the senses – and I felt silly about it. It wasn’t like I didn’t know about Tom’s celebrity status. This was the world he lived in. And didn’t Jayna say he would get a million comments for every Instagram post he made? That was insane and so foreign to me. Heck, I didn’t even have an Instagram account.

Without realizing it, I had started to walk again, every step bringing me further from Tom and his fans. I placed my phone back in my bag and began to silently count the burnt orange leaves on the ground as I stepped on them – one, two, three and four and five…

“Ali.”

I stopped when I felt the tug on my jacket sleeve. Tom was next to me now, and it looked like he had ran to catch up with me, judging by his slight breathlessness.

“Trev, hey. I’m sorry, I wanted to give you some time with your fans, so I continued walking…”

“Are you okay?” His brown eyes were flashing with concern.

“Of course,” I assured him. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Tom pursed his lips. “Well, sometimes the fans can get a little.. curious. I think these girls were okay though. They didn’t try to snap any photos of you…”

“Photos of _me_?” My eyes widened. “Why would they even think of doing that?”

“Some people have a weird interest in who I appear in public with,” Tom explained, shaking his head. “I thought I wouldn’t be spotted here in Warren, but... Anyway, I’m sorry about our walk being interrupted.”

“It’s fine, I understand. It comes with the territory of – well, of being who you are.”

“I hope you don’t like me any less for it,” Tom said, a playful tone creeping into his voice as we started walking side by side again.

“I don’t know how I can like you less than I already do, Trev,” I quipped with a dramatic sigh.

“Ouch. You’re such a heartbreaker, Ali,” he replied, laughing.

“That’s me,” I played along, rolling my eyes. I thought about how it was far more likely for Tom to break my heart, but I didn’t say so. “Have you been to the lake before? It’s less than ten minutes away, and it’ll be nice and quiet at this time of the day.”

“No, I haven’t. Nice and quiet sound good. No fans there, right?” Tom chuckled.

“No guarantee of that, but I like our chances,” I told him.

We made our way to the lake in silence, passing by shops that emitted scents of pumpkin bread and cinnamon-laced lattes. Fall was officially here.

“So Ali, what’s new with you… since our last exchange of texts yesterday?” Tom grinned cheekily.

“Well, as you can see, I’ve gotten a Mohawk, two tattoos and a nose ring,” I quipped, gesturing at myself.

Tom nodded. “Oh yeah, I’m absolutely digging the new look.”

With the way Tom was gazing at me unwaveringly, one would think that I had actually done something drastic with my looks. I couldn’t stand it. I felt as if I actually meant something to him – which was of course ridiculous. If he felt anything for me at all, he would’ve said something, done something by now. Which he hadn’t. So the message was clear, wasn’t it?

I had to stop him from looking at me like that. From making me feel like this. Right away. So I blurted out, “Well actually, here’s a real update. I’m meeting this guy from college tonight. For a date.”

Tom blinked, then said, “Ohh. That’s great, Ali. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“He’s in my Statistics class. His name’s Owen…” I didn’t know if I should offer further information. Would Tom even be interested to hear?

“Well, I hope you have a good time with Owen tonight,” Tom replied, his sincerity evident. “Where is he taking you?”

“We’ll probably go to this Spanish place that has this really amazing seafood paella.”

“You like Spanish food?”

“Only paella and churros. The rest of their food are just weird to me.”

Tom smiled. “So let’s see… You like paella, churros, popcorn and gin and tonic.”

I had to stop and stare at him. “How do you even still remember…?!”

Tom laughed softly. “I remember everything, Ali.”

We continued walking as I took in what he had just spoken. Trevor McGeek never ceased to mystify me, that was for sure.

After crossing a main road and walking down a short path, we were greeted by the autumn foliage surrounding the cool blue waters of the lake.

“Oh wow. This is beautiful,” Tom intoned in awe as he took in the scenery.

“This is my favorite spot in town,” I said. “Do you come by Warren often?”

“This is maybe my fifth or sixth visit. My uncle has a business share in Nuovo – the rooftop place where we first met, if you remember? So I do drop by once in a while.”

_The place where I got hit by a huge wave of midnight sparks and became unexpectedly captivated by you? Sure, I vaguely remember it._

“That’s why the guy at the door recognized you,” I guessed.

“Yeah, Ron! He’s a great guy.” Then he seemed to remember the less-than-friendly treatment Ron had given Jayna and I. “Well, once you get to know him.”

“I’m sure,” I said with a laugh, remembering the way Jayna had brazenly tried to get past Ron.

We walked right to the edge of the lake and sat down on the grass, soaking in the tranquility. I could’ve sworn I heard a soft sigh from Tom, which made me turn. And that was when I noticed his strangely solemn expression.

“Trev?” I asked as I was hit by a hunch.

“Yes, Ali?”

“The uncle with the share in Nuovo – is he the one you said were sick?”

Another sigh, this time distinctively audible. “Yeah. He’s still in a pretty bad condition.”

I couldn’t help it – I leaned in and gave his sleeved arm a squeeze. “I’m sorry to hear that, Trev.”

“Yeah. It’s cancer… Quite an advanced stage of lung cancer. I don’t know what to do.” Tom had a faraway look in his eyes. “Uncle Ollie – he’s my favorite uncle. He’s the one who taught me how to golf. Bought me my very first set of clubs. Cheered me on as I hit my first hole-in-one. He was the liveliest person I know, and now… He’s just stuck in a hospital bed with tubes all over him…”

My heart ached in a way that it hadn’t done in a long time. “I always wish I could somehow take the place of a loved one when they’re in pain…”

Tom nodded. “That’s how I feel too.”

Feeling emotional, I began to think of the song _Eternity_ by Robbie Williams. I had checked it out on Spotify after Tom mentioned it in one of our chats – and now I would forever associate the song with him.

♫ _I can't promise I will heal you_

 _But if you want to I will try…_ ♫

I leaned sideways until our shoulders touched. He leaned in too, so we were both supporting each other, not letting the other person tumble onto the grass. It was warm and comforting.

“Thanks Ali. A friendly face is what I really need right now.”

I was puzzled. Someone like Tom Holland must have more friendly faces in his life than he could count. “You didn’t have to come all the way out here to Warren for that.”

Tom murmured, “On the contrary, Ali, I think I really did have to.”


	11. Dead-end street

_The space between_

_The wicked lies we tell_

_And hope to keep safe from the pain_

_\- Dave Matthews Band_

\- - -

Time, for me, had been suspended along with the hushed autumn air that seemed to be listening in on our conversation.

Tom filled me in on some of the crazier moments he had at work – crying fans, strange gifts and a weird encounter with a Hollywood veteran who’d invited him to his house to see his large collection of human teeth.

I told him about a bizarre college professor who had 15 cats and assigned us a demand and supply paper that had to incorporate said cats in. I updated him about the application form I’d been given to switch majors. I mentioned how Jayna and I had brought Lou to a jazz club for his birthday two weeks back, and that he’d begun snoring halfway through a set. Tom let out his irresistible, infectious laugh and I couldn’t help laughing too.

He showed me pictures of his sweet dog, Tessa.

I played Tom my current favorite song through my phone’s Spotify app, _Dancing With Your Ghost_ by a singer named Sasha Sloan, which he immediately downloaded the tune from Apple Music.

What I didn’t tell Tom was that the song reminded me of him, and I had a tendency to listen to it on a loop on nights when I had trouble sleeping.

♫ _I stay up all night_

_Tell myself I'm alright_

_Baby, you're just harder to see than most_ ♫

He didn’t need to know. Some things were just better left unsaid, right?

All too quickly, an hour and a half had passed. As hard as it was, it was time to say goodbye to Tom – yet again.

“So, good luck with everything today – your magazine interviews and appearance on Jimmy Kimmel tonight,” I told Tom as we stood up.

“Thanks Ali. Go ace your test tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure.”

Looking down to dust the grass away from my jeans, I saw a blue and white wildflower growing nearby. I gently plucked the delicate stem and held it up for Tom to see.

“Here,” I said, a little shyly, as I tucked the flower into the left pocket of Tom’s denim jacket. “For the bestest luck.”

“Wow, that’s even better than the best,” Tom replied with a chuckle. He leaned close and swiftly planted a tender kiss on my right cheek. “Also for the bestest luck for your test,” he explained, suddenly shy too.

“Thanks.” I tried to sound casual, because we were just friends and what Tom gave me was just a friendly peck on the cheek. But honestly? I may never wash my right cheek ever again.

We left the lake and walked back to the main road, where Tom had asked Hank to pick him up.

“It was so good seeing you, Ali,” Tom said warmly.

“Ditto,” I responded. My heart couldn’t be fuller than it was right now. “Take care, Trev.”

Tom’s bright brown eyes seemed to dim for a second as he thought of something. “Umm, have fun on your date tonight.”

And just like that, my heart sank.

”Oh.” It was awful, but I’d totally forgotten about Owen. “Yeah, Spanish food. Can’t wait.”

“Yeah. Listen, Ali, there’s something – well, I wish we had more time…” Tom frowned slightly as he tried to find the words he wanted to say. “But anyway. We’ll catch up again soon.”

“Sure,” I agreed, even though I wasn’t sure at all.

Why was he acting so weird? Would he ever tell me?

Tom opened the door to the SUV, and I waved hello at Hank at the driver’s seat. Hank flashed me a grin. “Coming along, Ali?” he teased.

“Maybe next time,” I responded, forcing myself to grin back. “Bye, Hank. Bye, Trev.”

“Goodbye, Ali.” Tom gave a wave before he hopped on.

I kept my smile plastered on until the SUV made a turn down the road and disappeared.

* * *

I couldn’t focus on my afternoon class in college at all. I was too distracted, deep in very honest thought about Trevor McGeek.

In fact, this was probably the first time I allowed the excuses and general denial to melt away – and for the truth to be exposed, even if it was just within the confines of my mind.

I loved him.

Of course, he had girls all over the world who loved him too. He _was_ Tom Holland, after all.

But he was so much more than that to me. He was Trev.

The one who had casually invited me to watch the city lights with him.

The one who appeared out of nowhere to come to my rescue when I got harassed.

The one whom I shared a magical night in New York City, doing the most ordinary things like going for a movie, walking around the streets and grabbing some late-night sushi.

The one who put a ridiculously happy smile on my face every time he called or texted.

The one who randomly breezed in through the doors on the most beautiful autumn morning today, as if it was the most natural thing to do.

The one who remembered everything.

I supposed the more appropriate question was, how could I _not_ love him? He’d taken down my walls, one encounter at a time. And today, I was officially defenseless.

It had taken me this long to admit all of this, because I was trying to protect this fragile heart from shattering. My heart was just not built for taking chances.

And I undoubtedly _would_ be taking the biggest chance ever, if I continued this dangerous dance with him.

Yes, the word was ‘dangerous’. Because I was certain he had something to hide. The times when he was this close to uttering the words – he chose not to say anything, in the end. He must’ve had his reasons, and I could understand that. It was ultimately his decision and I absolutely respected that.

At the same time though, I couldn’t succeed in convincing myself that it didn’t matter at all what it was Tom was hiding. If I could, I honestly wanted to be unaffected and to carry on with this thing between us. However, I couldn’t quite shake off this tiny voice that constantly whispered, “ _You’re not good enough for him, and he doesn’t know how to tell you._ ”

So I had thought that by drawing a line to neatly define what we had – nothing more than a friendship – would fix everything. I could safeguard my heart. I could have him in my life, but he would not get close enough to be capable of hurting me in any way.

But evidently this strategy wasn’t working out. I cared about him too much, and I didn’t know how to undo this. He was the one person who could inflict all kinds of pain and heartache on me.

So there was only one solution.

I had to cut all ties with Tom.

Not all at once, but it had to start from this very moment. I couldn’t go through another time of seeing him and having him steal my heart all over again. I couldn’t endure another goodbye with him where I ended up fighting back the urge to plead, “Don’t go.”

My phone buzzed and I saw a couple of new messages.

_[Owen:] Heyy can’t wait to see you tonight_

_[Owen:] I’ll meet you at the restaurant at 6?_

Owen. He was sweet and smart. And I had to admit, I was curious and hopeful about where things could go with him.

I could either walk down a dead-end street with Tom. Or venture down an open road with Owen.

The choice was obvious, wasn’t it?

_So I guess this is our last goodbye, Trev. I didn’t get to tell this you in person… But you’ve brought meaning to my life in many wondrous ways. I’ll miss you so much._


	12. Defying the odds

_Just give me a sign, there's an end with a beginning_

_To the quiet chaos driving me back_

_\- Snow Patrol_

\- - -

“So that was one heck of a dinner,” Owen observed with a grin.

A month had passed, and for our fifth date, Owen had taken me back to the Spanish restaurant where we had our first date. We’d loved the food and friendly service and was always talking about returning. Tonight was the night.

“Yeah. You didn’t have to go through all that trouble just to impress me, you know,” I teased.

“Oh, but I knew that a dinner date wouldn’t be complete for you until you witnessed a marriage proposal at the restaurant.”

“Absolutely.” I laughed. “You gotta admit though, the guy’s speech as he got down on one knee was top notch tear-jerking stuff. I was totally getting misty-eyed all the way with his girlfriend.”

Owen laughed along. “You’re really cute, Ali.”

I was not expecting that, but I recovered quickly enough. “Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself.”

In response, Owen flashed that shy smile of his. I did mean what I say – he _was_ cute. He was wearing his glasses today, which made him look extra adorable.

And it was endearing, the way he did everything in this gentle, thoughtful manner. Like when he bent down to pick up my scarf that had dropped onto the floor while we were digging into our dinner. And when he took my heavy bookbag from me as we exited the restaurant.

We were now talking a stroll in the direction of my apartment. Owen had offered to walk me home, and I was still contemplating if I should invite him in. Was it too soon? Would he want to come in? Would I want him to want to? Would he be disappointed if I were to just hug him good night and ask him to get home safe?

Questions, questions.

“Something the guy said – I can’t forget it,” Owen spoke.

“Oh?”

“He was saying how there were so many ways to be happy in life, but all he needed was her.” Owen shrugged. “It struck me how true it was. We go on with our lives every day, being immersed in whatever we think gives us joy, and we tell ourselves that it’s fine. That it’s good enough. But then one day, you meet someone special and you truly learn what happiness is.”

“Yeah, that was the vibe I got from them,” I agreed. “They were soulmates through and through for sure. Almost like they were both merely living half-lives until they found each other.”

“So you believe in soulmates?” Owen asked.

“I think they exist and some people are lucky enough to meet their soulmate…”

“And for yourself?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t exactly have the biggest social circle around, so what are the odds of bumping into that one person who’s meant for me, right?”

“Who knows. Some things are capable of defying the odds.”

“Possibly,” I said softly.

Talking about soulmates and the odds of meeting them has triggered in me certain memories that I’d rather not visit at this point. I had to quickly dismiss thoughts that questioned the odds of crossing paths with someone at a random party who ended up being such an important part of my world. Because I wasn’t sure if I was prepared for the answer.

Besides, it was all in the past now.

His name no longer appeared on my phone. Gone were the days when we’d start texting random things and end up maintaining a stream of texts between us. It was my doing – specifically, my lackluster short replies that were sometimes sent only a day or two later. I cited various excuses. Studies. Work. Owen.

Eventually, I stopped hearing from him.

Exactly how I planned it. But the victory felt hollow. There was nothing to celebrate. What I’d done was just a necessary pain to go through to prevent future pain that could be much, much worse.

_Wherever you are right now, I hope you’re happy, Trev. Every day. I wouldn’t wish for anything less for you._

I had come to terms with what I would never have. I wasn’t bitter. I was no longer sad. Quite the opposite, in fact. Owen had lit up my life and I was grateful to have him, even though we hadn’t decided to make things between us official just yet.

Owen touched my shoulder. “Ali? Are you okay?”

“Umm yeah, I’m fine. Sorry I zoned out for a bit there.” I smiled, a little self-conscious.

“You can open up to me, you know,” Owen told me gently. “I mean, it doesn’t have to be right here in this very instant.. But just know that I’m always here for you. Whenever you’re ready. Whenever you’re able to… trust me.”

My smile widened. “Thanks, Owen. That means a lot to me. I guess it’s just been a long day. But I’m glad I get to spend the last – and best – part of the day with you.”

Owen beamed and reached to take my hand. We continued walking, holding hands and chit chatting about our day.

His annoying bookstore customer of the day, who was looking for a nonexistent title and insisted to talk to ‘someone who actually knew books’.

The news I read about five house owners in the neighborhood that had woken up to plastic yellow flamingos on their front yards. The biggest mystery about the whole news for me was, of course, why the flamingos were yellow? Who would even choose to manufacture flamingos that were in any color other than pink?

It felt – nice. Warm. Normal. Most people would shudder at the prospect of a terribly ordinary life, but not me. Normalcy was good. I needed it.

Before I knew it, we’d arrived at my apartment building.

“Here we are,” Owen said as he glanced up at the building then turned his gaze back at me.

“Yupp,” I replied, tucking my hair behind my ear. I was nervous. But when I looked into his hazel eyes, open and kind, I felt better.

“Do you want to… come upstairs?” I asked, smiling.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Owen said, chuckling. “But are you sure –“

Just then my phone rang. It was Jayna.

“Hang on,” I told Owen before I answered the call. “Jays? What’s up?”

“Ali!” Jayna’s piercing voice was shriller than usual, if that was even possible. “Did you see my texts? Why haven’t you been replying?!”

“I haven’t been checking my phone. What texts? Is anything wrong?”

“Well, YEAH!”

I waited. “Jays? Are you pausing for dramatic effect?”

“Oh, sorry. No no. It’s just that I’ve got a call waiting from Harrison. But it’s fine. I’m not gonna pick up because it’s more important that I first tell you what Harrison told me. It’s really bizarre though, and I can’t imagine how it could’ve – I mean, they must have had all the safety measures in place. And how freaky is it that I’d _just_ had this dream the other day about this –“

“Jays,” I cut in, rubbing at my temples. I couldn’t make any sense of what she was saying. “I’m lost. Do you want to maybe start at, I dunno, the beginning…?”

“Right, right. My bad.”

I could hear Jayna taking in a deep breath before she continued, “So listen, Ali… Something has happened to Tom.”


	13. Just to be safe

_And you're with me wherever I go_

_'Cause you give me this feeling, this everglow_

_\- Coldplay_

\- - -

I didn’t know how to process what Jayna had just told me.

And had she really mentioned the one name that I’d never expected to hear again – at least not so soon? I had to ask again as my grip on the phone tightened, “What did you say, Jays?”

“Okay, I know this must be a total shock to you, Ali, but yeah… Something happened to Tom while shooting on the set for Cherry. You know, his latest movie with the Russo brothers. It’s based on this popular novel and all kinds of crazy things happen –”

“Umm no, I don’t know.”

I wasn’t even aware that Tom had started filming a new movie. Of course, I was probably the last person who would be receiving his life updates at this point. We were barely even friends now.

And honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to look him up in any online media, just in case there happened to be mentions of any new girls in his life – someone who wasn’t Tessa, his gorgeous blue Staffordshire bull terrier.

“But what happened?” I asked Jayna. “Is he hurt?”

“Yeah, he was in the middle of this scene that wasn’t even action-heavy, but somehow something went wrong and he fell. He’s at the hospital now, somewhere in Ohio. I think Harrison mentioned a broken wrist and maybe some fractured ribs? The doctor is still checking.”

I forgot to breathe for a moment. Then a cold, painful sensation seized my chest. “ _What_? That sounds serious.”

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Owen who was wearing a deeply concerned look on his face. So far I hadn’t filled him in on anything Tom-related at all, and right now didn’t seem like the best time to do it.

“I _know_ ,” Jayna said, sighing. “We’re all so worried. I had to call to tell you even though.. Even though you said you didn’t want to hear any news about him no matter what…”

“Yeah. No. I’m glad you called me. I just – I guess I need to figure out what to do now.”

“Alison Rose Kinloch, don’t be stupid. Of course you need to reach out to him.”

I winced. When Jayna used my name in full, she _really_ meant business.

Jayna continued, “And don’t forget, this is the guy that the entertainment world is constantly demanding time from, and he chose to detour to our middle-of-nowhere town to spend two hours with you. You mean something to him, so I’m sure he’d want to hear from you.”

“All right, all right. Jays, just.. Let me handle this my way, okay?” I chewed on my bottom lip as I thought about what I was going to tell Owen once I hung up. “I’ll talk to you later. I’m with Owen right now. Bye, Jays.”

“Is everything okay?” Owen questioned, touching my arm gently.

I exhaled a long, loud breath. “Umm, yeah. I don’t know, actually. Jayna called about a friend of ours who got into some accident and who’s now at the hospital. Nobody’s sure of the extent to his injuries just yet.”

“What? I’m so sorry to hear that, Ali. Anyone I know?”

_If you’ve been following the Marvel movies, then probably, yeah._

Out loud, I said, “I’ve not mentioned him before, no. His name is Tom. He – he’s a good friend but we haven’t really been in touch lately. His work takes him to a lot of different places.”

“Right. Well, where is he now? Do you want to visit him at a hospital or something?”

I shook my head. “He’s in Ohio. It’s all right, I’m sure he’s in good hands. I’ll just send him a quick text.”

My fingers moved swiftly to unlock my phone screen and type out a message that hopefully contained just the right amount of friendly worriedness:

_[Ali:] Hey Trev, you okay? My Spidey sense is getting some concerning vibes about you. Hope the doctors are giving you their very best treatment. Update me when you can._

After hitting ‘send’, I put away my phone and resumed my attention to Owen. “Done. So sorry about all these interruptions. Would you still like to come in?”

Owen studied my expression, which I hoped was as neutral as I’d intended it to be. “Sure,” he replied. “But don’t feel like… I mean, we don’t really have to do anything. We can just sit and watch a movie on Netflix…”

“You mean we can Netflix and chill?” I quipped, an amused smile tugging at my lips.

Owen laughed as he caught the joke. “I’ll let you decide, Miss Kinloch,” he teased.

I smirked. “Okay, Mr Pearce. Let’s go.”

* * *

I didn’t hear back from Tom until the next afternoon. The immense relief that washed over me after seeing his name on my phone screen was startling. Clearly I had underestimated just how worried I was.

Tom had sent a voice message instead of a text reply:

“ _Ali! I’m so glad to hear from you. Don’t worry, I’m fine. My wrist is broken, which makes it super challenging to type… Hence this voice message. The rest of my injuries are just bruises that should heal up soon enough. Thanks for checking in on me. I hope you’re doing great. Oh and is your Spidey sense named Jayna or Harrison, by any chance?_ ”

I replayed the message several times, taking in the warmth of Tom’s voice and smiling at his British accent.

In the safe, solitary space of my apartment’s living room, I allowed myself to feel, just for this brief moment. To miss Tom – the way we had talked, laughed and touched. The electric connection I had felt with him, over and over again. No holding back.

It was a bittersweet sensation. But I stood by my decision and I was going to keep my distance until the day that Trevor McGeek ceased to affect me in any possible way.

And that meant not replying to his voice message… At least not within the next few days anyway. I was about to toss my phone aside and continue working my Statistics assignment when I heard a “ding”, which signaled the arrival of a new email in my phone.

Two swift taps later, my eyes read the email subject line and blinked with the slightest excitement. It said _Study aid_ and it was sent by my college’s department of financial aid and scholarships.

Another tap on the phone screen revealed the content of the email: My application to switch to a health and medical major had been approved, and it came with a study aid offer of $200,000.

“What the –“ I breathed, wondering if I’d somehow read it wrongly. “Two hundred freaking thousand dollars?!”

As far as I knew, my college would never normally award such a huge amount of financial aid… I scanned through the email again and noticed that the offer was from an external scholarship program.

“Kingston Scholarship Fund,” I said the unfamiliar program name aloud, my eyebrows knitted in curiosity. I did a quick Google search but there were hardly any results.

Why would an obscure scholarship program decide to help me, of all the gazillion students out there? Why was I chosen?

Something stirred in my thoughts, and the tiniest hunch crept in. It was a long shot, but I had to try…

I performed a fresh Google search, using the keywords “Kingston” and “Tom Holland”.

And there it was. I scrolled past one search result after another that affirmed the same thing.

_“Tom Holland was raised in Kingston-upon-Thames, England.”_

_“Tom, who was born at Kingston Hospital and grew up locally...”_

_“Tom Holland now lives in Kingston upon Thames in London near to his childhood house.”_

Kingston was Tom’s hometown. It couldn’t be a coincidence, could it?

I couldn’t risk it. Just to be safe, I knew what I had to do.

Heaving a quiet sigh, I began typing my email reply and mentally bid goodbye to the scholarship that would’ve been a huge help in getting me through medical school.

It was really nice and thoughtful of Tom to support my career aspiration, and I was grateful. I truly was. But – it just couldn’t happen this way. I wouldn’t want to owe something so massive to anyone.

Certainly not anyone that I was trying very hard to remove from my world, my memories... and my heart.


	14. Fragile strength

_'Cause I’ve been caught in between all I wish for and all I need_

_Maybe you're not even sure what it's for_

_Any more than me_

_\- Joseph Arthur_

_\- - -_

“And this was us at Rockefeller Center. Can you believe that the Christmas decorations are up already?!”

I paused in my task of refilling the sugar bowls at Café Luna and leaned across the counter to look at the photo Jayna was showing me on her phone. In it, she and Harrison beamed against the backdrop of the unmistakable giant Rockefeller Center Christmas tree.

Time was whizzing by. I couldn’t believe that autumn was almost over. And frankly, where had the entire year gone?

To Jayna, I responded, “I know! One would think that Christmas is on November 25th, not December.” I pointed at the photo. “Mm, so I gotta say that this would’ve been an amazing picture… If only Harrison wasn’t sticking his tongue out and squinting his eyes.”

Jayna tossed her head back with a laugh. “You have no idea how hard it is to get him to pose properly for the camera. I have like 20 photos of him pulling the silliest faces, ugh.”

A smile formed on my lips as I saw the way Jayna glowed when she talked about Harrison. It was an effortless kind of joy, relaxed and light. My best friend was happy, and I was happy about that.

“What’s with the smile, Ali?” Jayna asked, uncharacteristically self-conscious and tugging at the ends of her golden curls.

“Nothing. It’s just nice to see you like this.”

“Like how?”

“Contented.”

Jayna smirked. “Have I not always been contented?”

“Not like this. Not with Ben, or Jenkins, or the guy before Jenkins – I don’t even remember his name now.”

“Steve,” Jayna helpfully supplied the name. “But yeah, okay, I guess I know what you mean. Things with Harrison just feel.. easier. Comfortable.”

I nodded. “And I definitely feel it too. Like with Ben, I was always stressed out when you got stressed out over him.”

Jayna smiled ruefully. “Sorry, Ali. You’ve been there with me through every failed relationship of mine.”

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I told her affectionately. I got back to scooping sugar into the container bowls, in case Lou emerged from the kitchen and started yelling about how he wasn’t paying me to chit chat with Jayna.

“Thanks, Ali. You’re the best.” Jayna reached over to squeeze my arm affectionately before she went on, “So yeah, Harrison. He’s awesome and we’re great together. Yet, the most basic thing is standing between Harrison and I.” She let out a dramatic sigh. “With him being who he is, I’d never be able to have a normal relationship.”

“Define normal?”

“Well, you know. He’d always be away, and we wouldn’t be able to do regular couple-y stuff like going to the movies, having dinner together every other night and going for grocery runs on weekends. I’d never be able to post couple pictures or videos without inviting a ton of scrutiny and worrying about those things falling into the wrong grubby hands. Relationships are hard enough as they are. Add to that the long distance and stardom factors, and you’re just setting yourself up for a difficult, emotionally-taxing time.”

I stabbed at a mini sugar mountain with a spoon, thinking. “I suppose so. You’d have to be willing to make all kinds of sacrifices and also take a leap of faith…”

“A _huge_ leap of faith,” Jayna pointed out. “Do you know how many girls Harrison meets every day? And the comments and messages he gets on his social media accounts, whoa. Some of his fangirls can be quite, err, vocal about the things they want to do to him.”

“Mmhmm.”

Jayna grew thoughtful for a second. “It’s the same case with Tom, isn’t it? But probably fifty times more challenging seeing as how he’s already an established actor. Would _you_ ever be okay with having a long-distance relationship with Tom?”

“I don’t know why you’d ask me that, Jays,” I mumbled, focusing my gaze downward at the sugar bowls. “You know we’re, at best, just friends.”

“Oh, come on, Ali. You must’ve played it out in your mind at least once before. If Tom were to ask you to be his girlfriend, would you say yes?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I’ve never really had an actual boyfriend. I’m not sure if I’m even capable of – “

“Ali. Just give me the truth. Would your answer have been yes? Or no?”

“Jays.” I glared at her.

“Ali.” Jayna stared back at me, unblinking.

“Fine. YES. I’d say yes, in a heartbeat. No matter how complicated or hard it may be. He’d be worth it. In a perfect world where Tom would let me in and be absolutely open about everything that’s going on with him, I’d want to be with him. Okay? Are you satisfied now?” I couldn’t help scowling at Jayna for forcing me to be honest.

“As a matter of fact, I am,” Jayna replied, looking mighty pleased with herself.

“But it’s never going to happen,” I insisted flatly. “Because first of all, he needs to come clean and divulge what he’s been hiding.”

“If you’re so sure he’s holding this deep dark secret, why don’t you just ask him?”

“No way.”

“Why not?” Jayna persisted.

“Because… If he’d wanted me to know in the first place, he would’ve just told me.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t know how to tell you. Maybe the timing isn’t right. Maybe it’s someone else’s secret he’s guarding. Who knows?”

I frowned with slight confusion. “Jays, why are you siding Tom all of a sudden?”

“Look, I know you made it clear that your mind was made up about distancing yourself from Tom and you refuse to be swayed. I’ve been respecting that, and I’ve been trying to be supportive of what you have with Owen, as dull of a character as he is – “

“Jayna,” I cut in. “You’re not Owen’s biggest fan, I know, but – “

“It’s not about him, though, really,” she retorted in defense. “It’s about how I see you when you’re with Tom. When we talk about him. The way your eyes light up – it’s how I am when it comes to Harrison.”

“The thing is, you and Harrison have gone out on proper, official dates. What do I have with Tom? Just random encounters that leave me with more questions than answers.”

“Okay. You want answers, right? Go seize them.” Jayna glanced at her phone, seeming to contemplate something.

Then her eyes flicked back to fix upon me. “Ali… Harrison wants to celebrate my birthday in two weeks’ time. With Tom. They’ll have a suite at The Dominick. It’s this hotel in Manhattan and their rooftop pool bar is apparently gorgeous. Perfect for a mini party for the four of us. Please say you’ll come?”

“What? No… I – I can’t.”

“Your plan to push Tom away, is it honestly going well?” Jayna asked me gently.

“It’s going all right, I guess.” I shrugged. “It’s been more than two months now, and the plan isn’t failing me or anything.”

“I worry about you, Ali,” Jayna stated. “I know you said you wanted to take things slow with Owen and that’s why you’re not officially together with him yet, but can you truly say that this has nothing to do with Tom?”

“It’s not because of Tom,” I replied. “I just take a lot longer to let people in. You know that, Jays.”

“Absolutely, because of what happened to your family.” Jayna nodded. “But see, you’ve only met Tom a couple of times. And yet you’re absolutely sure that you’d want to be with him if he ever asked. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“I’ll just attribute that to insanity. Because it doesn’t make sense and I have no explanation for it.”

“Geez. You and Tom are so deep in something, it’s crazy how you both don’t see it.”

I stopped my sugar refill duty again and looked at Jayna.

“Ali. Just as I’m worried about you, Harrison worries about Tom,” Jayna revealed. “There were occasions when Tom got carried away with drinking.. And by that I mean total drunksville.”

I must’ve stopped breathing for a second or five, all of a sudden overwhelmed by concern for Tom. “Are you serious? Is he doing okay? But, I mean, it probably has nothing to do with me. There could be a gazillion other possible reasons.”

“Same like how Tom has nothing to do with the fact that you and Owen haven’t progressed much, huh?”

“Jays, I really don’t know anymore,” I groaned, my mind whirling with all that’s Jayna had unloaded on me. “Did – did Harrison ever mention if he knows why Tom acts the way he does toward me?”

“Nope. He tried asking Tom more than once but didn’t get anything. But even Harrison could tell that Tom cares about you, Ali. Apparently Tom would bring up your name whenever they drank gin. And also, you have quite the reputation as being very ungenerous about sharing popcorn at the movies.”

“ _What_? Jayna! How long have you known these things?”

“Only recently! For the longest time Harrison hesitated to share them with me. Because he knew I wanted to be a supportive friend to you and he totally respected that. But c’mon, it’s been months now and both you and Tom are clearly not 100% fine. So Harrison decided to let me know, and he’s hoping that you’ll join us in Manhattan too. It’ll be a good chance to talk things out with Tom, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know if there’s much to talk about,” I muttered.

“Ali, please. Just at least consider to come?” Jayna gave me her best pleading look.

“Okay,” I agreed with great reluctance. It was hard saying no to my best friend, but I also knew there was no way I was going to say yes in the end…

As if on cue, my phone buzzed with an incoming call. I caught the name on the screen and froze.

“Jays, why is Tom calling me?” I held up my phone for Jayna to see.

“Oh wow. I have no idea.” Jayna’s response was dripping in fake innocence. “But you should pick up. Go on.”

My suspicion level hit the roof. “Jayna Leigh Cameron, what are you and Harrison up to?!”

Jayna would only flash me a guilty smile. “Answer the phone already, Ali.”

“No.”

“You can’t just ignore Tom forever.”

“Watch me.”

In one swift move, Jayna extended her arm to grab my phone from my grasp. She slid her thumb across the screen to receive the call before thrusting the phone back into my hand.

“Jays, what – “

“Talk to him, Ali,” Jayna said, relentless as she was firm.

I sighed then placed the phone next to my ear. “Hello?” I uttered softly.

“Ali. Hey.”

The moment Tom’s husky voice floated through the line, it was over. My fragile strength that I’d been holding onto, it collapsed just like that.

“Hey, Trev. How’s it going?”

“Uhh, good. Keeping busy. How are you? Are you at work? Because if it’s a bad time, I can call back later.”

“Well…”

Jayna shot me the fiercest glare ever, which made me rethink my response to Tom.

“No, it’s fine,” I said. “I _am_ at Café Luna but I’m on my break. So what’s up? Has your wrist healed up?”

“Yeah, it’s as good as new now.” Tom cleared his throat before continuing, “Listen, Ali. I suppose you’ve heard that we’re planning to have a small birthday thing for Jayna on the 19th this month…”

“Yup, Jayna is here with me and she was just telling me about it.”

“Ah. Great. So can we expect to see you then?” Was it my imagination or did Tom sound more than a little nervous?

“Umm. I don’t think I can confirm just yet…” Perhaps I still had a shred of strength left in me after all.

“Oh.” Tom coughed, and I could hear a second male voice murmuring in the background.

“Is that Harrison?”

I heard a loud “ _Oh shit!_ ”, and let out a giggle despite the awkward conversation we were having. “Okay, yup. That’s Harrison.”

Tom chuckled in embarrassment. “Yes, uhh, Harrison is just very excited about the party and wants me to get you to show up.”

“Oh, right.”

“I mean, it’s not just Harrison. _I_ would love it too if you could come. It’s been a long while. It’d be good to catch up and all.”

“I will try my best to make it,” I said, keeping my tone neutral.

There was a pause, and for a second there, I thought we’d gotten cut off.

“Ali,” Tom spoke again, this time minus the nervousness. “I’ve missed you… And I’m sorry if I’ve been making you confused about my behavior and – and everything. I promise I can explain. Can you please come to Manhattan on the 19th?”

“Trev…”

“And to sidetrack for a minute here, I heard that you turned down a scholarship recently. Did you know…”

“Did I know that you, the boy from Kingston, were involved with the Kingston Scholarship Fund? Umm yeah.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you accept the offer? Was it because of me?”

“Well. I mean, I was really grateful, don’t get me wrong. But I didn’t earn it. It wasn’t awarded based on any merits. I just couldn’t accept it.”

“I absolutely understand. I just believe in you and your ability to achieve the big dreams you have. I wanted to show my support but maybe this wasn’t the best way to go about doing it..”

“Hey, no. I really appreciate the gesture. It’s a very generous amount. Please give it to someone deserving, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And… I’ve missed you too.”

Jayna, who was shamelessly listening in on the entire call, emitted a squeal.

“Really?”

I could hear the smile in Tom’s voice, and my heart warmed. “Yeah.”

“So I’ll be seeing you then? In Manhattan?”

“I guess so. I wouldn’t want to disappoint Harrison.”

Tom laughed, and I wished I could see his face right now. “He’ll be glad. I’ll let him know.”

“You do that,” I said wryly.

“Take care, Ali. Can’t wait to see you.”

“Ditto,” I replied. “Bye, Trev.”


	15. Destiny awaits

_All I know is that I want it more than yesterday_

_If I was waiting, I was waiting for just one little spark_

_\- Mayday Parade_

_\- - -_

Could anticipation kill?

Because by the time November 19th arrived, I was pretty much a total wreck.

I realized that all of my previous encounters with Tom had been unplanned. Unexpected. Serendipitous, in most cases. He’d just drop in unannounced, like a shooting star – always a bright but fleeting presence.

But this time, our meetup was pre-arranged. And I had two whole weeks to freak out.

At this moment I couldn’t even decide on what to wear, which was the oddest thing. I pretty much only had two dresses, a skirt, two pairs of jeans and five tops in my wardrobe. So how could I be having trouble picking out my outfit of choice for tonight?

“Ali, don’t forget about swimwear!” Jayna’s voice drifted from the bathroom, where she was touching up her makeup. She’d already been dressed since an hour ago, decked in a slinky black dress that was guaranteed to make Harrison go ‘wow’.

“Umm.”

“Preferably that cute striped bikini you bought online this summer,” Jayna added.

I emitted a groan. “I’m not even sure yet if I’ll be getting into the pool,” I protested.

“It’s a pool party. You have to!”

“I’d feel too exposed.”

Jayna padded over to my bedroom, where I was still standing and staring at my opened clothes closet.

“Ali, that’s what tonight is about, isn’t it? Baring it all… Metaphorically speaking, and more.”

I groaned again. It was easy for Jayna to talk. She wasn’t the one who was going to meet someone for the first time in months, not knowing what the night would reveal or what conversation would ensue.

She wasn’t the one who would be face to face with the pair of twinkling brown eyes she’d fallen in love with, and had been trying her hardest to move on from.

“It’s not too late to back out of this, right?”

“Ali! You wouldn’t,” Jayna gasped, smacking me in the arm.

I didn’t realize I’d spoken out loud until I felt the impact of Jayna’s palm against my skin. “Oww. Jays, please. No violence at a delicate time like this.”

“It’s my birthday party, so I get to do whatever I want to my guests,” Jayna declared with a devilish grin.

“Well maybe this guest would be too injured to show up if you keep going with the physical torture,” I muttered, but I dutifully went to retrieve the said bikini set.

Jayna sat on my bed and applied a fresh coat of plum-hued lip gloss while I stripped off my shirt and ratty shorts and put on the striped bikini top and bottom.

“What are you planning to wear over the bikini?” Jayna pursed her glossy lips in thought. “Your maroon sweater and black skater skirt would be perfect.”

“Great. Jays, you’re a lifesaver.”

“As I always am.” Jayna paused. “Ali, does Owen know about tonight?”

I didn’t answer immediately. Fidgeting with one sleeve of the maroon top I’d just pulled over my head, I eventually responded, “Well, technically… Yeah.”

“What exactly did you tell him?”

“I mentioned that we’ll be in Manhattan with some friends to celebrate your birthday.”

“And he wasn’t curious about why he wasn’t invited?”

“I may have said that you wanted to keep it to a really small group and you didn’t count him as a close friend.”

“There goes the great impression I’ve been wanting to maintain in front of Owen,” Jayna uttered, sighing.

I had to laugh. “All right, all right. We all know you’re Team Tom.”

“I’m Team Whoever Makes Ali Happy,” Jayna corrected me. “Come on, let’s get going. Your destiny awaits.”

I nodded. “I’m ready. Lead me to your chariot – but try to keep to the speed limit for once, okay?”

* * *

So Jayna went way past the speed limit.

It wasn’t a surprise when we arrived at The Dominick twenty minutes early.

“Nervous?” Jayna questioned as she peered at me worriedly.

“I went beyond nervous within ten minutes of getting into your car,” I informed her.

It wasn’t just a matter of having butterflies in my stomach anymore. Right now, I was closer to puking the butterflies out.

“You do look a lot paler than usual. Are you okay?” Jayna asked as she surveyed our surroundings. We’d just stepped out of the parking elevator and now found ourselves at the exquisitely designed hotel lobby with dark wood panels and soft yellow ambient lighting.

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Why don’t we go grab a drink first before we meet up with the boys? Get some liquid coverage in you.”

“Yeah, okay sure,” I said, taking in a deep breath. But before we could figure out the way to the nearest source of alcohol in the hotel, our attention was drawn to a booming, cheerful voice laced in British accent.

“Jayna! Ali!”

We turned to see Harrison walking over to us, his lips curved in a relaxed smile and his hair blonder than I remembered. “I see you girls got here early too,” he noted.

“Hey, you,” Jayna greeted with a wide grin.

Harrison leaned in to envelope Jayna in a bear hug, which was really sweet.

Then when he released Jayna, Harrison shifted his gaze to me.

“Hey, Harrison. How’s it going?” I spoke, trying to smile despite the anxiety building in my chest.

“Very well, how about you?” Without hesitation, Harrison gave me a quick hug. I returned the hug more than a little stiffly. I wished I could’ve responded better, but…

“Uhh Harrison, you should know that Ali is not really a hugger,” Jayna piped in a little too late.

Upon hearing Jayna’s words, Harrison immediately jumped back like he’d just been electrocuted. Which would’ve elicited a huge laugh from me at any other given time. But not today.

“Sorry,” I hastily told Harrison. “It’s not you. I’m just weird.”

“No problem, it was my bad,” Harrison replied, throwing me a reassuring look. “I’m so glad you could make it, Ali. Are you prepared to have an epic night?”

“The better question is, is the epic night prepared for _us_?” Jayna declared, saving me from having to fake an enthusiastic reply.

 _Oh good Lord, what am I doing here?_ I was not ready to face Tom. But one might argue that I probably would never be ready, so…

As the three of us took the elevator and ascended to the rooftop, I barely registered how Jayna and Harrison were holding hands and giggling over something or other.

The cool metal doors of the elevator slid open soon enough to reveal a sleek bar bathed in the warm glow of colorful round paper lanterns. A sizable pool fronted the bar, glinting in various shades of shimmer.

“Oh wow, this is so beautiful,” Jayna breathed.

“Glad you like it,” Harrison said, beaming. “We booked the entire place for tonight, so feel free to go crazy.”

My eyes zoomed in on a male figure who was making his way toward us. He looked familiar, but somehow not. Was it really him...?

“Mate!” Harrison called out.

“Mate! Oh and hello, Ali. Hello, Jayna.” It was Tom’s unmistakable voice.

“Tom! Love the hair – or lack of it, actually,” Jayna said with a laugh.

I was too busy taking in Tom and his buzz cut, wondering how he still managed to look good despite the shaved head. Really good.

Then Jayna nudged me.

“Trev, hey,” I uttered, flashing him a tentative smile. “So what’s the story behind this new look?”

“It’s for my role in Cherry,” Tom explained, rubbing the side of his head shyly. “Does it look funny?”

“No, no. It’s nice,” I assured him. “You just look different, that’s all.”

Tom smiled, his eyes crinkling. “Well, you look – “

“Tom darling, there you are.”

A loud female voice cut him off. I followed Tom’s line of sight and spotted a tall woman with silky honey-brown wavy hair who was waving at him.

I squinted and realized I’d seen her before – it was the Gisele Bundchen-lookalike from Nuovo. Her hairstyle was different from the last time I saw her, but the confident stride and commanding manner of speaking was still intact.

She took Tom aside, murmuring to him, occasionally nodding. More than once I caught her patting his arm in an extremely affectionate way.

My heart sank, and I had to tell myself to not be jealous.

“Ali, I’m sure she’s just someone from work,” Jayna presumed, sidling up to me as Harrison went to get drinks for all of us.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m fine.”

“Oh Ali, you’re just no good at lying.”

After what felt like an eternity, Tom returned. “I’m so sorry. I had to talk to Danielle before she leaves. She’s from my PR team and she just wanted to let me know about some upcoming interviews that had to be rescheduled.”

“See!” Jayna grinned triumphantly at me.

“See what?” Harrison asked, his hands gripping a tray that held four short glasses of clear liquid and rosemary garnishing.

“Nothing,” Jayna quickly answered. “What’s our first drink of the evening?”

“Gin and tonic,” Harrison announced with a flourish. “Which happens to be someone’s favorite drink… Tom took a lot of trouble getting this limited edition bottle of gin from London, just for this special someone.”

I wasn’t sure who was more embarrassed, me or Tom.

Jayna pretended to think. “I don’t recall who’s a fan of gin and tonic. Do you, Ali?”

“Not a clue,” I mumbled, furtively shooting Jayna a death stare.

Harrison chuckled and slung an arm over Tom’s shoulder. “All right, let’s drink up. To Jayna’s 21st birthday!”

“Happy birthday, Jays!” I exclaimed.

“Happy birthday, Jayna!” Tom chimed in.

We clinked glasses and took a long swig. Or at least I did. I really needed the alcohol to calm my nerves.

“And also, to our Ali Cat and Tom Cat!” Harrison added. “Reunited and it feels so good, am I right?”

“What?!” I turned to Harrison, who was grinning mischievously.

Jayna couldn’t contain her laughter. “Oh, that’s Harrison’s nickname for you and Tom. Cute, huh?”

“Thanks, Haz, thanks,” Tom groaned. He snuck a peek at me, giving me an apologetic smile.

I shrugged and smiled back at Tom. His eyes shone with such tenderness that I nearly dropped my glass.

Maybe tonight wouldn’t be as terrifying as I thought. Just maybe.


	16. Emotional roller coaster

_Don't run me round and round_

_Don't build me up just to let me down_

_\- Lauv & LANY_

_\- - -_

“Ali, are you _ever_ going to go over to talk to Tom?” Jayna asked impatiently as her eyes flitted from me to Tom, who was standing by the bar counter with Harrison.

“There’s no rush, is there? The night is still young,” I said, taking a sip of my second gin and tonic. I was ready to order my third glass already.

Jayna rolled her eyes. “Ali, you’re stalling.”

“I’m stalling,” I agreed. “Although to be fair, it was Tom who wanted to talk and explain everything, so he should make the move…”

“I swear, the both of you will be the death of me,” Jayna proclaimed. She finished her glass of bourbon over ice – she’d always been a whisky girl – then gave me the firmest gaze.

“Ali, I’m going to get Harrison and Tom to record the birthday wish video they promised me for my YouTube channel. But right after that, I’m sending Tom your way. So be prepared, ‘kay?”

“Well in that case, let me get three more G&Ts first…”

“Whatever it takes for you to lose the jitters, Ali,” Jayna responded. “But don’t blame me if you end up drunken in bed with Mr McGeek later. Or is that what you’re aiming for..?”

“Oh my God, Jays. Please!” I protested as Jayna flashed an evil grin and blew me a kiss goodbye before walking away.

I looked down at my nearly empty glass, perhaps hoping to find some clarity in the alcohol. Nope, nothing.

My stomach emitted a growl, and I realized that I hadn’t eaten much the entire day. I wandered to the table that held an assortment of finger food and polished off a small square of tuna and arugula sandwich. Then a second one. And a third.

I was unstoppable. In a split second, I had decided to load up a small clean plate with even more of those delectable tuna finger sandwiches.

Moments later, I sat myself down at the edge of the swimming pool with the plate of sandwiches placed next to me. I freed my feet from my high-heeled strappy sandals and gently dropped them into the warmth of the heated pool water.

It was a simple kind of bliss – just me, the sandwiches and the blanket of stars above. My ears picked up the hypnotic beats and soft crooning of a Billie Eilish song, and my shoulders began to sway along.

“Hello. Mind if I crash the party?”

I smiled at the sound of the accented voice and glanced up at Tom’s ever-twinkling brown eyes. “It’s a private event, but I suppose I should return the favor from you at Nuovo…”

“Yeah. Let me be the one to crash the party tonight,” Tom replied with a wink. Without waiting for me to speak further, he crouched down and got into a sitting position.

My plate of sandwiches stood between us.

“Someone’s hungry,” Tom observed in amusement.

“They’re so good. You need to try one if you haven’t.”

“Well, because you sold these li’l sandwiches so well, I _must_ have one.”

“Wise choice, Trev.”

We each plucked a sandwich square that was consumed within seconds.

Tom let out a soft grunt of pleasure. “I regret nothing.”

I laughed. “Right?”

“You know what would go brilliantly with the sandwiches? More gin and tonic.”

“I wouldn’t say no to that idea,” I told him.

Tom caught the attention of a waiter nearby and made his request for two glasses of gin and tonic, which were promptly fulfilled.

“Cheers,” Tom said as he brought his glass to meet mine with a clink.

“Cheers,” I returned.

“Do you like the gin?” Tom asked hopefully.

“I do,” I assured him. “It’s got quite a few botanicals going on in there, but the flavors all come together really nicely.”

“Yeah?” A wide smile tugged at Tom’s lips.

“Yeah.” I found myself smiling broadly too. “Thanks for getting the bottle. I’m sorry if it was a huge hassle though..”

“No, no. Don’t listen to Haz. He was just trying to be funny, as always. It’s absolutely fine.”

“Okay.” I suddenly started to feel shy again, a fact which I tried to hide by taking several successive sips of my drink.

“You know how Ryan Reynolds has his own brand of gin? Aviation Gin?”

I nodded.

“It’s really good as well. I’ll bring a bottle of that one the next time we meet.”

I had to wonder if there was even going to be a next time…

Before I could finish my thought, my phone vibrated. I picked it up and saw that Owen was calling me.

_Oh crap._

“Ali?” Tom peered at me, noticing my phone’s flashing screen. “Aren’t you going to answer your phone?”

I honestly didn’t want to. Here I was, a nervous wreck in front of Tom and still struggling to find some form of courage to bring up all the burning questions I had for him. Although I wasn’t sure why Owen was calling, I did know that I couldn’t handle talking to him right now, in the midst of all this.

“Uhh..” I stared at Tom who was waiting expectantly for my response.

Without thinking it through, I blurted out, “You know what? I’ll just call back later. Right now the pool is totally calling me, so I think I’m gonna take a dip.”

Tom raised his eyebrows at me. “Really? That’s so random.”

With a mighty gulp, I finished the last of my gin and tonic. I proceeded to get up on my feet, pulled my sweater off and slid my skirt down, forgetting to be self-conscious about being seen in nothing but a bikini.

“Coming?” I quipped to Tom impulsively before plunging into the glinting pool water with a splash.

For a moment, I contemplated staying underwater for as long as I could. To escape everything – Owen, Tom, and probably even myself.

I was startled by a second splash in the pool, and then by the sight of Tom as he submerged and moved toward me with an enthusiastic wave of his hand. I saw that he had stripped off his more formal tailored grey short pants and was now in a pair of neon orange swim shorts.

Despite how I was feeling, I was compelled to collapse into a fit of giggles, which wasn’t a good idea while I was still holding my breath underwater.

I signaled at Tom before I kicked my legs and boosted myself up to the surface.

Tom appeared next to me several seconds later and immediately said, “Ali, are you okay? You’re not drunk or anything, are you?”

I let out a giggle. “I don’t know. Am I?”

I was feeling too many things at once.

The cold gust of wind tickling my face in stark contrast to the heated water I was standing in. Panic from Owen’s call. Anxiety plus a touch of giddy from the nearness of Tom, who was shirtless – I’d never noticed his muscles until now. And his pair of orange trunks that was still threatening to send me into a proper laughing fit.

And yeah, I might just be tipsy from all the alcohol too.

Tom was studying me, half-amused and half-worried. “Oh hey, you have a tattoo,” he remarked.

“Oh, this?” I looked down on the left side of my ribcage, where three tiny stars were inked right below where my bikini top ended. The stars were connected by dotted lines to mimic a constellation. Small, but it represented my entire universe.

“Yeah, it looks cool.”

“Thanks.” I took in a deep breath before I continued, “The stars – they represent my parents and my little sister. I.. I lost them when I was 13.”

Tom’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry –“

“No, don’t worry. It’s okay.” I gazed into Tom’s eyes, soft and kind, and decided to keep talking. “I don’t really tell people about it because it gets awkward for everyone and I don’t need any pity. But yeah, my family and I got into a car accident on a snowy night in Glasgow, where we were visiting some Scottish relatives on my dad’s side. I was the sole survivor, but the accident left me with some scars. When I turned 18, I decided to turn one of the scars into a tattoo.”

“That’s a beautiful story behind the tattoo.” Tom smiled, a little sadly, and murmured, “I wish I’d known you earlier, Ali. So I could’ve been there for you…”

I became more than a little misty-eyed upon hearing Tom’s words – talk about riding an emotional roller coaster. I now suspected alcohol influence more than ever. But alcohol effect or not, it didn’t change the fact that Tom had an unbelievably huge capacity to care deeply about people. Even someone insignificant like me. How could such a heart of pure gold exist? And how did I luck out in crossing paths with it?

Something clicked in my mind. The sad eyes that Tom was wearing, I’d seen it before. I said, “Trev, when we were at the rooftop deck in Nuovo… You were thinking about your Uncle Ollie, weren’t you?”

Tom gave me a surprised smile. “How did you even guess?”

“Just like how you guessed my name, I guess. Some mysterious cosmic wisdom in action.”

The intensity of Tom’s stare at me was almost too much to bear. I had to distract myself before I started falling way too deep again for those brown eyes.

“How is he doing now, by the way? Uncle Ollie?” I asked.

“Well, there’s been some potentially good news. He’s going to try out some new radical treatment involving laser of some sort. It sounds promising, but nobody really knows how it’ll turn out. But it’s worth a shot.”

“Trev, that’s so great!” Despite not being a hugger in any situation at all, I had to resist the urge to throw my arms around Tom there and then.

“Yeah.” Tom beamed. Then he cleared his throat. “How are things going with, uhh, Owen? If I’m not prying, that is.”

I thought about it for a second. “I don’t quite know,” I confessed. “We’re still going out, but I’m not sure when – or if we’ll move forward.”

“Why is that?”

“I wish I knew. Maybe I’m just too used to being on my own,” I mused. “I have Jayna of course. She’s really the exception. Apart from her, I’ve never felt the need to have anyone else be a major part of my life. My reflex is always to keep people at arm’s length. At a comfortable distance.”

_Until you came along, Trev. But what good are all my feelings when I can’t figure you out?_

Of course, I could always ask him this. _Should I? Dare I?_

“Looks like it’s back to my turn to ask you a question now,” I remarked.

Tom chuckled as he too seemed to notice that we’d begun an unofficial game of 20 Questions. “Looks like it. So go ahead. I’m ready.”

But was I ready?

I absent-mindedly ran my fingers across the pool surface, flicking water droplets from my fingertips. After a long pause as my mind and heart raced, I squeaked out, “Umm… Have you ever been in love?”

“Yeah, twice,” Tom replied without missing a beat. “I mean, I’m actually super careful with my heart, but the moment I fall, that’s it. It becomes hard for me to think about anything else, and even when my brain asks me to slow down, my heart just wants to jump ahead to the happily-ever-after part…”

He stopped, an embarrassed grin touching his lips. “Sorry, I’m rambling… And it’s so disgustingly mushy, isn’t it?”

“Totally, but I promise I won’t tell,” I replied. To be honest, I found it endearing. But then again, he could be reading a grocery list and I’d probably still find it endearing.

“What about you, Ali?”

I looked at Tom, well aware of the alcohol buzzing inside of me. “Have I ever been in love before? … Yes.”

“With who?”

“That’s.. also something I won’t tell,” I responded with a casual shrug. Even I couldn’t be sure myself if I was merely teasing or dead serious. Maybe a mix of both.

Tom waded closer to me. “Come on, Ali. Spill,” he coaxed.

“Nuh uhh.”

“But you have to tell me.”

“And why is that?”

“Because… Because I’m Spider-Man.”

I burst out laughing. “And if I don’t, are you going to do something with your, uhh, web thingies?” Clearly, I wasn’t the biggest Spider-Man fan who was familiar with all the terms.

Tom took one step closer. “Yup. Don’t make me whip out my web thingies,” he mock-threatened.

“I’m trembling in my knees.”

“Are you now?” Tom moved right into my space, closing the gap that was between us. I could see the tiny beads of water dotting his chest.

This was all too close for comfort, yet I was frozen in place as Tom’s intense stare returned.

“Absolutely.” I wasn’t entirely kidding.

For the briefest moment, my nerves mysteriously disappeared. A strange calmness took over, and I found myself saying, “So my turn again to ask a question…”

“Okay…” Tom’s voice had become huskier than usual.

“I was wondering…”

“Yes?”

“… Why do you look like you want to kiss me?”

Tom’s gaze that was previously fixed on my lips now shifted up to meet my eyes. “I guess it’s because I do..”

He slowly brought his hand to the side of my face. Gently caressing my cheek. When I didn’t move, he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine.

As we kissed, a quiet fire ignited inside of me. I was shackled, and instead of wanting to run away or wishing I was somewhere else – I felt I was finally _home_.

And it would’ve been so easy to get lost in it. To just stay in this moment forever, lip-locked with Tom, because I didn’t know if I wanted to do anything else with my time on this planet.

But.

Tonight was supposed to be about getting answers.

I drew on superhuman strength as I pulled away from Tom and took a step back breathlessly.

“Ali?” Tom’s eyes flashed with worry. “Look, I’m sorry if I went too far –“

“No, no. It’s not that,” I said, furrowing my brows as I mentally constructed my words in my head.

_It’s now or never._

“Trev,” I began, “The thing is, I came here tonight to get clarity. About us. You said you’d explain everything. And I really need that. You know I’ve been so confused by you. And I don’t think I can see you again if this keeps going and we don’t start being honest with each other…”

Tom was silent for a moment. His eyes were cast downward, his entire face unreadable. Then he exhaled loudly and lifted his eyes back up so that he was fully looking at me.

“Ali…” he spoke, sounding slightly weary and plenty serious. “I owe you an apology. A huge one.”


	17. Can't stay away

_And I know these scars will bleed_

_But both of our hearts believe_

_All of these stars will guide us home_

_\- Ed Sheeran_

_\- - -_

Everything seemed to have slowed down. Even as I blinked once at Tom, then twice, it felt like someone had hit the slow-motion button.

Did I hear it right? Had he really said that he owed me a huge apology?

_Is it because you’re actually engaged to be married to some aristocratic lady back home and this was just a fling – your one last hurrah in America? Are arranged marriages even still a thing in these times?_

“I’ve – I’ve been keeping things from you,” Tom revealed quietly. “Things that I should’ve told you earlier.”

I looked at Tom with a renewed sense of dread.

_Things like how you’re part of a sinister secret society that forbids you from forming romantic ties with anyone? And now you’ll be punished severely by said secret society and I’ll never get to see you again?_

My thoughts had gone wild and there was no stopping them.

I swallowed. “Well, I’m listening if you’re ready to tell me now.”

Tom nodded. Emitting a sigh, he said, “Okay, well. I’m not sure how to begin. But I guess the first thing is that – I know more about you than you think…”

I gave Tom a genuinely confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Like, I knew about your family’s tragic accident…”

“You did? How? And how long have you known about it?”

Tom let out his breath loudly. “After our first meeting. Your social media presence was practically nonexistent, so I asked someone to help me locate you. You mentioned your last name, if you remember. Alison Kinloch.”

I frowned. “Do you mean you hired someone? Like a private investigator or something?”

“Not exactly a private investigator. This person works for Uncle Ollie and has connections. So he made some calls and unintentionally discovered your past through all the news coverage of the car crash at that time. And he also managed to track down Café Luna…”

“So that was how you ended up calling Lou for the catering gig for Blake Lively’s movie premiere.”

“Yeah.” Tom looked pained. “I’m really sorry, Ali. It wasn’t right at all, the way I went about looking for information about you –“

“But why though? Why go through all that trouble?” I shook my head, suddenly shivering despite the heated pool water I was standing in. “I’m just a nobody. A random girl you met at some party that I wasn’t even supposed to have been at.”

Tom stared at me, wide-eyed. “You’re not a nobody, Ali. Far from it. I wanted to see you again. I knew I’d missed my chance when Danielle dragged me out of Nuovo, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it – couldn’t stop thinking about you. So I decided to do what I did, which I’m absolutely not proud of.”

“Okay. So then we met again, and again. But it never seemed to go anywhere.” I bit my lip, still confused. “Am I missing something here..?”

“I was conflicted,” Tom explained, eyebrows knitted in worry. “I saw how you had your name splashed across so many news headlines at such a young age, when you lost your family and became the sole survivor of a horrific accident – I could guess how you must hate being put in the spotlight.”

Tom looked deep in thought as he continued, “And the thing is, my last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend couldn’t stand the lack of privacy. The constant attention from the media. And some of the fans went too far – they said a bunch of nasty things about her, found out where she worked and tried to call her up at the office, stalked her younger sister’s Instagram account… It was insane. After ten months, she said she was done. She couldn’t handle all the stress that came with being my girlfriend. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever want to put another person through this.”

My mind reeled from all of Tom’s words. There was so much to take in.

“Ali? Are you okay?” Tom’s eyes searched mine, uncertain.

“Uhh, I… I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s my fault for holding back on all of this and then unloading everything at once right now. Hence the need for the huge apology.” Tom frowned. “But if I were to be completely honest, there’s another thing I have to apologize for…”

He took a deep breath. “I have to apologize, because after everything I’ve told you, about being conflicted and all – I still want you. I still want to see you. To hear you calling me Trev and feeling like I’m right where I need to be. I just can’t stay away from you, Ali. No matter how hard I try, and God knows I did try my very best – but I just can’t.”

Could it be true? Could Tom be saying everything that I’d been secretly wanting to hear, and more?

My voice trembled as I responded, “I can’t stay away from you either, Trev. It would’ve been so much easier if I could. Because you’re right, my privacy is super important to me and your world is just so different from mine…”

“Please, please know that I would never ask you to do something you’re not comfortable with, Ali,” Tom said earnestly. “But if there’s any way at all we can make this work, despite how apart our worlds are – I don’t know, it just feels like we slip into in our own secret world anyway, whenever we’re together. Or am I just being crazy here?”

Unknowingly, my eyes had begun to well up and a stray tear escaped down my cheek. I thought Tom might not have noticed, but he slowly ran a thumb across my face to wipe the tear away.

“Hey, don’t cry,” Tom implored in the softest, most tender tone.

“You need to stop saying all of these heart-wrenching things first,” I told him with an embarrassed laugh, looking down. When was the last time I’d even cried anyway? I was such an emotional mess tonight.

“You wanted honesty, didn’t you?” he teased.

“Yeah well. I guess I thought I was ready for it. But I’m so overwhelmed now.”

“Okay, no more honesty for now then.”

“Trev!”

“Just kidding. Here’s one more bit of honesty that you’re probably not ready for…”

I glanced up at Tom with curiosity as he gingerly took a step closer to me.

“I really, really want to kiss you again.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m happy to stay at arm’s length away from you, just like everyone else, if you’d prefer that…” Tom murmured, holding up his palms.

“No,” I replied immediately. My eyes looked up at the Manhattan night sky, which was too bright for any stars to be visible, but it was strangely comforting enough to know that the stars _were_ still there somewhere – the same stars that had witnessed how an ordinary girl from Warren had been held captivated by a boy from Kingston so many months ago on that rooftop lounge.

I refocused on Tom and that pair of brown eyes that I knew, and adored. “I don’t ever want you to go away again. I’ve got a lot of things to figure out, but I do know that I – I want you in my life.”

Tom’s achingly beautiful smile spread across his face. “Really?” His hand reached for mine in the water, and when our fingers intertwined, I knew I’d never felt more safe and sure.

He leaned in, and our lips were about to touch when Harrison’s voice jolted the both of us apart.

“Ali Cat! Tom Cat! Did you guys start the pool party without us?!”

As Tom and I looked up at Harrison and Jayna who were standing near the edge of the pool, I could hear Jayna chiding Harrison, “Maybe it’s a private session that we’re not invited to! Let’s give them some time to –”

“No, it’s fine, Jays,” I called out to her, noticing how Tom was still holding my hand beneath the surface of the water. He gave a squeeze, as if to assure me that he wasn’t going to let go.

“Yeah, come on in, you two. The water’s amazing,” Tom added.

A moment later, Jayna and Harrison had stripped down to their swimwear and took the leap together into the pool with a magnificent splash.

Laughing gleefully as they resurfaced, Jayna and Harrison waded to where Tom and I were.

“Sooo what’s new with you guys?” Jayna cooed with a big, expectant grin. “Did we miss anything?”

“No, not really,” I answered nonchalantly.

“How’s the birthday girl enjoying herself?” Tom prompted.

“Pretty well, thank you,” Jayna replied. “And it’s about to get better – I’ve just ordered us some shots!”

“She’s unstoppable,” Harrison told me and Tom. “I’m worried for my liver.”

Jayna slung an arm casually over Harrison’s shoulder. “The night has only begun. Brace yourselves.”

I had to laugh at Harrison’s dramatically horrified expression, a stark contrast to Jayna’s excited, beaming face.

A catchy song by The Chainsmokers streamed in through the speakers and Jayna seized my arm. “Ali, dance with me!” she exclaimed.

Tom released my hand and threw me a smile. “It’s probably a good idea to hold on to Jayna. To make sure she doesn’t trip and crash into the water,” he said with a chuckle.

“Heyyy, I heard that,” Jayna told Tom, wrinkling her nose. “I’m not drunk… yet!”

“Jays, you’re not actually planning to get flat-out wasted, are you?” I raised an eyebrow at her. “You’re the designated driver for tonight, remember?”

“It’s cool. We can just stay here for the night,” Jayna answered breezily. “Harrison said there’s plenty of room in their suite.”

“Are you sure –“ I pulled Jayna further away so that we were out of Harrison’s and Tom’s earshot. “Are you sure it’s a good idea? Spending the night in the same suite as these two guys? I mean, how well do we know them, really?”

“You seem to have gotten to know Tom a lot better in the past hour,” Jayna remarked smilingly. “I saw you two holding hands!”

“For someone who’s more than halfway sloshed, you’re pretty observant,” I groaned.

“Ali, you _have_ to tell me everything.”

“There’s not much to tell…”

“Did you guys kiss?! Oh my God, you did, didn’t you?” Jayna squealed.

“Keep it down,” I said hastily, glancing at Harrison and Tom. Luckily, their attention was fixed on the shot glasses in their hands. A second later, they’d downed the shots.

“Does this mean we can go double dating next time?” Jayna tapped at her chin with a finger thoughtfully.

“You’re thinking way too far ahead. I don’t even know yet what’s going to happen between me and Tom. It’s kind of complicated… We were in the middle of talking when you and Harrison showed up.”

“Ohhh Ali, then all the more reason for us to stay the night here. You can’t just leave things hanging in the air like this with Tom.”

“We’ll see.” My gaze wandered over to Tom’s direction again, and this time he must’ve felt it because the next second his eyes were locked into mine and his smiling lips widened.

A rush of emotions washed over me. Hope. Fear. Joy. Uncertainty. And beneath it all, was a quiet yet unmistakable soul-stirring feeling of love.


	18. Heart to heart

_To be young and in love in New York City_

_To not know who I am but still know that I'm good_

_Long as you're here with me_

_\- Lauv_

_\- - -_

“There you are.”

I turned, recognizing Tom’s voice as he spoke from where he stood in the doorway of the dimly lit bedroom I was in. “Hey. You found me.”

“I did.”

I heard the smile in his tone, and was gladder than ever that I wasn’t prone to blushing. “Jayna’s finally asleep. She wouldn’t stop drunk-talking just now,” I told Tom, pointing at my best friend’s sleeping figure that was safely tucked under the bed covers.

Tom gave a low chuckle. “Harrison’s knocked out on the sofa too, in the living room. I don’t think we’ll hear from him until breakfast time.”

“Such party animals,” I remarked in amusement. Switching the lights off and closing the bedroom door behind me, I walked out to the living room alongside Tom.

“And it looks like we’re the boring, responsible parents who had to make sure they’re taken care of,” Tom observed, nodding at Harrison who was curled up on the sofa nearby, snoring lightly.

“At least there’s no vomit to clean up.”

“Not tonight, no,” Tom replied with evident relief. “You’re lucky you weren’t around when Harrison had his birthday bash in July.”

“How bad was it?”

“By the end of the night, he’d passed out with his cheek glued onto the toilet bowl lid.”

“Sounds like I missed out on some truly fun times.”

“We were all reminded of why you don’t mix tequila with wine. And cider.”

“You just shouldn’t mix tequila with anything, ever. Not even with tequila.”

“Truth,” Tom agreed with a laugh.

I laughed along, but at the same time it didn’t escape me that I was now essentially alone with Tom, in a hotel suite, and I had no idea what was going to happen next.

Tom must’ve sensed this. Fixing his twinkling eyes on me, he said, “So now that we’ve put the kids to bed…”

“Mmhmm,” I answered noncommittally.

“Do you want to continue drinking? There’s a complimentary bottle of champagne somewhere in this suite...”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I suppose we can’t let a precious bottle of champagne go to waste…”

“I like how you’re always so considerate like that, Ali,” Tom responded, not even bothering to tone down his chuckling.

I grinned as I took in a deep breath. “Mm, you smell nice,” I announced without thinking.

Amusement washed over Tom’s face. “Why, thank you, Ali.”

“No, sorry. I just meant that you’re freshly showered.. While I can still detect the scent of chlorine in my crunchy, tangled hair,” I hastily explained.

“Well, you pull off the crunchy, tangled hair look really well.” Tom laughed then told me warmly, “I think you look great. You always do. It’s like an effortless kind of beauty.”

My eyes widened, more embarrassed than anything. And in a rare instance, I failed to produce a humorous quip in response. Because this really was an extremely extraordinary moment – had Tom Holland actually just indicated that I was… beautiful? In his (achingly gorgeous brown) eyes? Was this even real life?

Tom appeared to be slightly embarrassed too by his words. Placing a hand at the back of his neck, he said, “Why don’t you hop in the shower while I get the champagne ready? With Haz in the living room and Jayna in the smaller bedroom, that leaves us with the master bedroom. We can drink in there – it has these tall windows with an amazing view of the city skyline.”

The pounding in my heart was deafening and I almost forgot how to speak. Almost.

“Sure. But uhh, I just remembered that my backpack with some extra clothes is in Jayna’s car,” I managed to utter.

“Don’t worry. I have a T-shirt you can wear. And probably some shorts too.” Tom said, holding up his index finger to ask for a minute. “I’ll get them from my suitcase in the bedroom.”

Soon I had Tom’s T-shirt and shorts in hand and trotted off to the second bedroom’s bathroom in a daze. In the shower, I tried not to think about anything and instead focused on the continuous stream of hot water pouring down on me.

When I emerged 15 minutes later from the bathroom and padded on the luxurious carpeted floor into the master bedroom, I found Tom standing by the windows. The bedroom was gently lit up by a solitary floor lamp, illuminating Tom’s silhouette as he looked out at what was indeed a mesmerizing sight of Manhattan in all of its splendor.

“It’s like fireflies,” I murmured as I joined him.

Tom turned to glance at me and smiled. “What is?”

“The city lights. They’re pulsing like glowing fireflies,” I elaborated. “It’s magical.”

“It is. All of this is,” Tom observed smilingly at me.

Before I could respond, Tom’s phone beeped. Fishing the phone from the pocket of his shorts, he quickly unlocked the screen. His jaw clenched as he read the text that had come in.

“Is everything all right?” I asked Tom.

Tom’s eyes darted to my face before refocusing on his phone screen. “Just received some news. But it’s nothing, really. I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

I chewed on my lower lip. It didn’t sound like nothing, but I didn’t want to push it. “Okay.”

Pocketing his phone back into his shorts, Tom’s jaw relaxed and he threw me a quick, assuring smile. “Hey, are the T-shirt and shorts okay?” he asked.

I gazed down at his white Stussy sweatshirt and dark blue cotton shorts that I was wearing. “Yeah, thanks for loaning them to me.”

“Of course,” Tom replied easily. He indicated at the coffee table behind us, which boasted a bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice and two crystal flutes. “Let’s give the champagne a try, shall we?”

I settled down on the plush two-seater sofa that the coffee table fronted while Tom poured the fizzy liquid into the flutes.

For the hundredth time that night, I had to refrain from pinching myself to check if all of this were real.

What was I doing, drinking in the middle of the night with the one person who’d managed to capture my heart – who happened to be a world-famous actor, and one who had just confessed tonight that he knew about my life story, and wanted to be with me? Me, a simple broke college kid with a broken past? I’d been wishing for this unlikely scenario to come true so much, that I didn’t know what to do now that it was all within my grasp.

“Here you go,” Tom said as he handed me one of the flutes and settled into the sofa next to me.

“Thanks, Trev.”

“Hey, you okay? You look really deep in thought,” Tom remarked.

“I’m good. I was a nervous wreck before tonight, not knowing what to expect. I guess on some level I’m still in disbelief over where we are now. I’m still processing it all,” I explained, tucking one leg under me and taking a sip of the champagne.

“Yeah, absolutely. Take your time,” Tom said gently. “We’ve got time.”

“Do we?” I looked down at the champagne flute in my hand, picturing what would happen when the sun came up, which was only a few hours from now. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be heading back to Warren and you’ll be.. well, carrying out your actor duties around New York.”

Tom reached to touch my hand. “Yeah, it’ll be a hectic day of work for me tomorrow. But Warren – well, the whole of Connecticut, really – isn’t too far from New York. So I’m sure there’s some way we can meet again soon. That’s the great thing about planes and cars, you know,” he teased.

I cracked a smile. “I know. It’s just.. My emotions have been all over the place in the past few months. They’re not caught up with tonight just yet, I think.”

“Well, the good news is that I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes. For you.”

“But why?” I blurted out. “Why me, I mean. How much do you even know about me? I know you did a background check on me and all, but still.”

Tom flinched at the words ‘background check’. “Ali, I promise, it wasn’t anything like that. And I wanted to tell you about it, but I chickened out each time and it came to a point where it got awkward to bring up. And I was worried that you’d shut me out completely once you’ve found out.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I’m not wild about the whole thing, but I guess my past wasn’t some big secret anyway. But tell me, just how much information did you unearth, Detective Trev?”

“Apart from what happened with your family.. Well, I know that you lived with your mother’s sister after the accident, until you were 18. Then you moved out and got your own place. Your birthday’s in April. And umm, I know your middle name is Rose.”

“Whatttt. Okay, can you erase my middle name from your memory? Please? I’m fine with you knowing the rest of the stuff about me. I really don’t like my middle name at all,” I said, wrinkling my nose.

“Why not, Alison Rose?”

I gave Tom a death stare. “Oh, you think you’re funny, Thomas Stanley?”

Tom chuckled. “Someone’s been running a background check on me too, I see.”

“Please. That’s public information. A two-second effort on Google.”

“What else do _you_ know about me, Alison Rose?”

“Not much.” I shrugged. “I was trying to forget about you…”

Tom touched my hand again. “I’m sorry. I caused you a lot of pain and confusion. But you know what? Whatever information I’d found out about you, it didn’t compare to what I discovered as I got to know you for real.”

I raised a questioning eyebrow at Tom.

He continued, “So this is all that I know now, okay? I know I find it cute how you’d constantly use humor to deflect attention from yourself.

I know how happy I feel when I say something and get a smile or a laugh from you. I know how genuine you are, no bullshit, no mind games. I know how your gray eyes can turn violet sometimes, like when we sat by the lake in Warren that fall day. I know that whenever something happened, you were the one I wanted to tell first. Always. And most of all, I know that I want to be there for you and protect you from all harm – even though I know you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. Just like a rose, delicate but fiercely waving her sharp thorns around to ward off people.”

As touched as I was by all that Tom had said, I couldn’t help laughing at the last bit. “All that sweet, wonderful prose was just to arrive at the point that I was a rose? Well played, Thomas Stanley,” I uttered while raising my flute.

“Why, thank you, Alison Rose.” Tom lifted his own flute and clinked with mine.

“However, this will still be the very last time you ever use that name.”

“Is that so?”

“If you value your life, yup.”

“What if I bribe you with gin?”

“No way.”

“How about a fine bottle of gin _and_ a huge bucket of popcorn?”

“Stoppp.”

“A-ha! I’m wearing you down.”

“That’s absurd.”

“Just imagine the world’s most buttery popcorn, drenched in rich caramelized candy syrup…”

I placed my champagne flute down on the coffee table and folded my arms, looking at Tom. “Heartless. That’s what you are.”

“Am I?” Tom set his flute down too, and leaned in toward me. “Then why does my heart feel so much fuller than it’s ever been?”

“Umm…”

I’d officially ran out of retorts and Tom must’ve picked it up. I sat perfectly still as he closed the gap between us and drew me into a soft, lingering kiss. His hands placed on my hips. My fingertips running across his shaved head, warm and comforting.

At some point Tom pulled me up from the sofa and the next thing I knew, we’d tumbled onto the bed, still in a liplock.

“Trev?” I mumbled breathlessly against his lips.

Tom paused, pulling away slightly and looking at me deeply in my eyes. “Ali? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Umm I just thought I should make it clear that –“

“That you want to take things slow?” Tom guessed, his tone nothing but tenderness.

“Yeah.”

“I totally understand. I’d never want you to feel uncomfortable with me in any way, Ali.”

I nodded.

“We’ll go at grandma speed. Like, 10 kilometers per hour.”

I let out a laugh. “Can I get that in miles?”

“Okay, I’ll convert it for you. Just let me kiss you for two more seconds first..” Tom placed a hand under my chin and I melted into his approaching smiling lips, lost in our secret world that he had talked about.

I guess I had always known, of course, that my heart was his. And now in this beautiful, wondrous moment, I knew that his heart was mine.


	19. A life less ordinary

_Two hearts, one night_

_Wish we didn't have to say goodbye_

_\- Paradise Fears_

_\- - -_

When I cracked an eye open and felt the bed’s empty spot next to me, I was seized by a wave of anxiety.

“Trev?” I called out softly.

When there was no reply, the anxious feeling kicked up a notch and I had to take in a deep breath to calm myself down.

Moments later, I heard a door slam shut in the distance – perhaps the front door of the suite?

“Hey, you. You’re up,” Tom’s cheerful voice floated in as he appeared at the bedroom doorway. “I got coffee for all of us.”

I blinked both eyes open, wanting to make sure Tom was really there.

“Still sleepy?” he teased.

“Umm yeah.”

“This might help.” Tom crossed over to the bed and plopped down beside me as I propped myself up on my elbows. In each hand, he held a cup of takeaway coffee. “Have one.”

“Thanks.” I took the cup closest to me and began to sip the warm, aromatic black coffee. “This is really good. So you went out for a coffee run?”

“Well, not exactly. I was worried about paparazzi so I got the hotel to help grab these coffees from a café nearby and deliver them to the suite.”

“Right.” I glanced at Tom. “Are they hard to deal with? The paparazzi?”

“Usually they’re fine,” he assured me. “But once in a while, I still get amazed by their persistence in invading a person’s privacy. And by amazed I mean pissed off.”

I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry. I mean, I can’t relate, but I hate how that comes as a package with your job description.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve learned to be stealthy over the years.”

“By wearing a cap pulled down low your face and hoping for the best?” I said with a laugh, recalling the night we went for a movie after the catering gig for Blake Lively, where he was dressed all in black including a black cap.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Tom replied, laughing too.

“Could you guys laugh _any_ louder?”

Tom and I turned at the sound of Jayna’s whining voice. She was leaning against the doorway, frowning, with one hand rubbing her temple. It was classic hungover Jayna.

“Good morning, sunshine,” I greeted.

“It’s barely 9AM. What’s so good about it?” she asked crabbily.

“There’s coffee for you and Harrison out on the dining table,” Tom informed her.

“Really? Bless you, my child.” Jayna immediately hopped away from view.

“So Jayna isn’t a morning person, I gather?” Tom guessed.

“Only as much as Dracula is one, I guess,” I responded.

“Hi again,” Jayna announced her return with a flourish, gripping her cup of coffee like the lifesaver that it was.

“Hello, crazy kids,” Harrison chimed in from behind her, also armed with his coffee. “You two are looking unfairly chipper. Did you even get any sleep?”

“What do you think, Harrison?” Jayna snickered, giving Harrison a wink.

“Oh, just drink up your coffee,” I told Jayna with a roll of my eyes.

Jayna climbed into bed with me while Harrison took a seat on the edge of the bed alongside Tom.

“This is nice,” Jayna said as she sipped from her cup in contentment.

“Yeah, I wish we could stay in and just hang out the entire day,” Harrison sighed. He glanced at his watch and spoke to Tom, “What time are we supposed to be at the golf course, mate?”

“10.30AM, which means we should get ready right about.. now,” Tom answered reluctantly, gazing at me.

“Oh, it’s that golf charity event, right?” Jayna asked.

“Yup. Followed by some interviews for Tom and then taping for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.”

“Have fun,” I said to Tom and Harrison.

“What do you girls have planned for today?” Harrison questioned.

“Tons of fun stuff. I have a shift at Café Luna this afternoon, and then I’m going to clean my apartment and tackle schoolwork. My microeconomics lecturer went on a rampage this week, ugh.” As I talked, it didn’t escape me how vastly different my Sunday schedule looked when compared to Tom’s and Harrison’s.

“Mine’s not much better,” Jayna said gloomily. “I have schoolwork as well – one paper and one presentation for my marketing class, followed by a huge family dinner because Aunt Kelly is in town. It’s going to last for an eternity and a half because Aunt Kelly never lets anyone go home before 11PM.”

“Do you want to swap?” Tom joked.

“Sure, Aunt Kelly is a fan of all the Marvel movies anyway,” Jayna replied without missing a beat. “As for me, I’ve never played golf before but I’m sure I could swing it – geddit? Plus, I’m super entertaining so I bet Stephen Colbert would love to have me on his show.”

“You’d end up hijacking the entire thing and making it _your_ talk show, Jays,” I predicted.

“Oh, absolutely,” Jayna agreed enthusiastically.

“The Late Night Show with Jayna Cameron,” I said.

“Or The Early Morning Show with Jayna Cameron,” she quipped. “I’ll come on after the club has closed.”

I nodded. “People will watch it at home while snacking on cereal at 3 in the morning, intoxicated and bleary-eyed.”

Tom and Harrison chuckled.

“You girls are making it very hard for us to say goodbye to you,” Harrison proclaimed.

As difficult as it was, we did indeed have to say goodbye half an hour later.

“Let us know when you’re safely back at Warren,” Harrison told me and Jayna as the four of us stood at the suite foyer, preparing to exit, take the elevator and then part ways.

“Of course.” Jayna wrapped her arms around Harrison for one last hug and a kiss on his cheek.

Tom pulled me aside and gazed at me with brown eyes tinged with sadness. “I really don’t want to say goodbye.”

“Ditto,” I said, looking back at him and trying to memorize every detail of his beautiful face.

Tom leaned in and enveloped me in the tightest hug. I’d never felt more safe.

“I’ll call you tonight,” he whispered into my ear.

“Okay,” I said, smiling.

Tom sneaked in a quick peck on my cheek, murmuring, “Take care of yourself, Alison Rose.”

“… You’d better go before I punch you.”

Tom laughed cheekily as he released me.

“Let’s go, Tom,” Harrison called as he approached us.

“All right, I’m ready,” Tom said.

Harrison glanced at me with a lopsided grin. “Ali, no hug for me? I saw Tom hugging you and there was zero resistance. I demand equal treatment.”

“You’d better go before she punches you, mate,” Tom told Harrison with a guffaw.

I rolled my eyes, then thought, _What the heck_.

Stepping toward Harrison, I threw him a quick hug, which caught him by total surprise.

“Wow, Ali,” Harrison said when he got over his initial shock. “We really must throw more parties if that’s the kind of overnight effect they have on you.”

As Jayna and I waved goodbye to Tom and Harrison, I thought to myself, _More like the Trevor McGeek effect._

* * *

“So so so?”

Jayna gave me exactly two seconds to settle into the driver’s seat before she began the interrogation.

“What is it, Jays?” I asked nonchalantly, playing dumb as I started Jayna’s car and reversed out of our parking spot. Jayna had decided that I had the honor of driving us back to Warren because she was still hammered from all the drinking last night.

Jayna responded by whacking me on the arm, hard.

“Ow! Jays! Not the smartest thing to do to your sole option for a safe ride back home.”

Jayna sighed, her blue eyes flashing with annoyance at me. “I’ve been patiently waiting for you to tell me everything that’s happened between you and Trevor McGeek. But my patience has officially hit its limit. SO SPILL NOW PLEASE.”

“Okay, okay. The spilling will commence now,” I said. “What do you want to know?”

“Uhh everything?!”

“I don’t really know where to start…”

“Start at the pool.”

I nodded and launched into the story of how I was wolfing down finger sandwiches at the poolside when Tom found me, and ended it at the point where we fell into the bed in the master bedroom, kissing.

“And then nothing happened after that?” Jayna asked, incredulous.

“Sorry to dash your X-rated hopes.”

“Talk about an anticlimax.”

“We just talked –“

“Please tell me there was at least some saliva-swapping action.”

“Gross, Jays.”

“Well, was there?”

“Okay, fine. We talked and kissed till we dozed off… Nothing exciting, but it was perfect to me,” I said, my lips curving into a smile.

“Well, didn’t you want.. _something more_ to happen?”

“I don’t know. Too much has already happened in one night. I need time to take in everything. Especially the part about Trev getting someone to look me up and never mentioning anything to me all this time.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t his shining moment for sure,” Jayna agreed. “All the more so when he knows how guarded you are and how trust is a major thing with you. But I suppose he has his reasons.”

“Yup. So I’d really like to take things slow.”

“Baby steps.”

“Yeah.”

“You have my full support, of course. I’m just so happy that you two finally got it on. Sort of.”

“Thanks, Jays. Amidst the dizzying range of emotions I’ve been feeling, happiness is definitely a big part of it.”

“I’m so glad! I still feel like throwing up a little, but I promise that’s got nothing to do with my best friend and her new smoochie boy.”

“Jays!” I groaned. “Smoochie boy? We’re not in elementary school.”

“And it’s all because of me,” Jayna continued her chatter gleefully. “It all took place at a party for _my_ birthday. And I was the one who asked Trevor McGeek to go look for you after a successful video recording with him and Harrison.“

“Speaking of which, when do I get to see the video? I demand an exclusive preview before you debut it to the rest of the World Wide Web.”

“Oh, that.” Jayna paused. “I gave it some thought, and I’ve decided not to publish the video on my channel. Or anywhere else online, for that matter.”

“What? After all the planning and effort? Why?”

“I’m just not ready for the potential onslaught of crazed fans – I mean, once these fans realize that I have personal access to Tom Holland and Harrison Osterfield, can you imagine the madness and chaos that might ensue?”

“Umm yeah. Oh hey, why don’t you just reshoot and make it look like you’d just bumped into them on the street or something?”

“I don’t know. It might work, but I hate fabricating stuff, you know? Especially fabricating something to appear unfabricated.” Jayna chuckled at the irony.

“Yeah, I agree. And honestly Jays, your YouTube channel is plenty popular on its own. You don’t need some British boys – as charming as they are – to boost your view count.”

“Absolutely. Also, I feel a sense of duty to protect these guys since we actually know them now. They’re no longer just names you read in the entertainment news or faces you see on the silver screen.”

“But mostly it’s because you’re terrified of their more maniacal fans, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I laughed.

Jayna mused, “It’s kind of bizarre, when you think about all that’s been going on. How our ordinary lives have become a little less ordinary now… Just because we randomly crossed paths with Tom Holland that one night.”

“Are you waiting for me to give you credit for that as well? Okay, here you go. It’s all because you wanted to crash a random party to get material for your channel. You made it all happen, Jayna Cameron.”

“No need to thank me. I only ask that you when you and Tom Cat get married in the future, you will name your firstborn after me.”

“You’re insane,” I said with a laugh. “Because, well, what if it’s a boy?”

“I’ll be gracious – you can give your son a super manly first name then slot in ‘Jayna’ as a middle name.”

“That settles it then.”

As I turned up the car’s air conditioning a notch, I caught from the corner of my eye a glimpse of Jayna folding her arms. “So I just have one more question...” she said.

“Yes?”

“What are you going to tell Owen?”


	20. The best not-boyfriend

_It’s always have and never hold_

_You’ve begun to feel like home_

_\- The Fray_

_\- - -_

I had just hit ‘save’ on my Sociology assignment when my phone that sat next to me on the sofa began buzzing. My heart skipped a beat and a smile spread on my lips as I saw the name that flashed on the screen.

He was right on time.

I tapped to accept the video call. “Hey, you.”

“Hey back at ya, darling,” Tom said in the most charming British accent as his smiling face filled my phone screen and he settled under the covers, his bed’s headboard visible behind him. “I’ve missed you.”

“Ditto, but times ten.”

Though it had only been four days since we parted in Manhattan and we’d had one video call that same night, I’d really missed that husky voice, those warm chocolate eyes.. Just everything that made him, him.

“Good to know,” Tom replied, his eyes crinkling as he smiled.

“Has your hair grown longer already? It looks longer.”

Tom touched the side of his head, which was previously shaven. “A little, I think.”

“So how’s Ohio treating you?”

“Great. Call time was 7.30AM today, which wasn’t as bad as the usual 6AM. Someone tripped and fell on the set today – and it wasn’t me for once. Oh and I went to the gym after filming and God, my legs are so sore now.”

“Good job on not falling down. I’m so proud.” I let out a laugh. “Which reminds me of the time Jayna left a stack of college books on the floor at Café Luna for some unknown reason and Lou tripped over them. Many books and one angry Italian man went flying. Not a pretty sight.”

Tom laughed along. “Never a dull moment at Café Luna.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure if it’s a good thing, or bad. Anyway, I don’t know how you even dragged yourself to the gym after an entire day of acting.”

“I mostly had to sit down in my Cherry scenes today, so it was all right.”

“Getting paid to sit – what a concept. Where do I sign up?” I teased.

“It’s a lot of hard work,” Tom protested. “It requires long hours of practice to get it down to a science.”

“Oh, sure. You have my utmost admiration.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I’ll have to rob a bank in tomorrow’s filming. Lots of movement, lots of walking.”

I laughed. “Now that’s more like it.”

Tom’s eyebrows knitted in mock despair. “Great. My girlfriend is a sadist.”

My laughter died immediately at the word ‘girlfriend’. I couldn’t help it – it had caught me completely off guard.

Tom noticed this and hastily said, “Ali, I’m so sorry...”

“No, no. Don’t be silly. You don’t have to apologize.”

“It just slipped out –“

“Trev. Stop. You do realize that you’re basically saying sorry for verbally committing your amazing self to a relationship? It’s hardly a girl’s worst nightmare,” I pointed out with a smile.

“I know. But you asked me to give you time, and I agreed.”

“And I appreciate you so much for that,” I said earnestly. “But please don’t feel like you need to censor yourself around me either. That would be awful.”

Tom chuckled. “I just don’t want to scare you away or anything.”

“Well I hate to break it to you, but there’s nothing very scary about you at all…”

“Thanks. You can’t imagine all the sleepless nights I’ve had.”

“Nope, I actually can’t,” I told him teasingly.

Tom laughed. “And how was your day?”

“It was good too.” I cleared my throat. “And actually… I met Owen earlier today. To talk.”

“Oh.” Tom straightened up in his sitting position, giving me his full attention. “How did it go?”

“Pretty okay, I think. I told him I’d like to go back to being friends and I was super apologetic about everything. He assured me it was fine and that he understood. How nice was that?”

“I’m glad, Ali. He does sound like a good guy.”

“He asked if there was someone else. I wanted to be honest so I said yes.”

Tom grinned. “Did you tell him who the lucky guy was, though?”

“Excuse me, I’m the lucky one here. And umm I said that was a story for another day.”

He nodded. “Oh hey, changing the subject for a second here… I have a comic con appearance coming up in New York in two weeks. Would you like to meet up in Manhattan on 6 December? Stay for a couple of days if you can.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” I gave my answer promptly, feeling a warm glow inside as I thought about getting to see Tom again.

“Great,” Tom replied. “I actually have something in mind already. Let’s grab dinner… And what follows after will be a surprise.”

“A surprise?”

“I promise it’s nothing major or scary.”

“Okay. I’m gonna hold you to that promise.”

“Please do,” Tom said, his smile widening.

I smiled back. “All right.”

“Have I told you that I miss you?”

“You have, but don’t ever let that stop you from repeating it.”

Laughing, Tom murmured, “You make me so happy, Ali. You don’t even know it.”

“No way, _you_ don’t know how happy you make me.” I gazed at Tom, my smile widening. “Hey, when we see each other in New York… Let’s talk more about the girlfriend-boyfriend thing?”

Tom’s eyes lit up. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Alison Rose.”

“Ugh. Go to bed, Thomas Stanley.”

“I don’t know. I think I’ve lost the ability to sleep.”

“You’ll regret your late night in the morning.”

“I always do.”

“Okay, how about I read to you the paper I typed up for my Sociology class?”

“Can I see what’s behind door number two instead?” Tom joked.

“Uhh hold on while I think of something more boring than my Sociology homework.”

“Noooo,” Tom moaned in protest.

“Oh. Okay this is unrelated but I just thought of something I wanted to ask you.”

“Shoot.”

“The night we were at The Dominick hotel in Manhattan. You said you received some news that you’d take care of the next day…”

“Oh, right.”

“How did it go? Is everything okay now?”

“Nothing escapes your attention, does it?” Tom looked at me in wonder, smiling.

“I just had this weird feeling that it was something not minor…”

Tom puffed out his cheeks then exhaled. “It wasn’t minor, no. But it also wasn’t something major, and it’s fine now. I promise.”

“I will also hold you to that promise, just so you know.” I smirked.

“She’s a tough one.”

“Too much?” I bit my lower lip, worried.

“Never,” Tom assured me.

“You’re too nice.”

“Only to people that I really like.”

“I’m glad I made the cut.”

“Totally blazed past everyone else.”

I laughed then let out a huge yawn.

“Hey, you’re sleepy. Go to bed, okay?” Tom said gently.

“It’s just hard to say goodbye to you. It always is.”

“It’s really hard for me too. I hate to be a clingy not-boyfriend, but here we are.”

That made me laugh hard while a rush of love washed over me. How could I have gone through 21 years of my life without this beautiful soul in my life?

“Regardless, you’re the best not-boyfriend any girl could have,” I told him.

Tom beamed. “Good. And hey, the quicker we go to sleep, the sooner it’ll be that we get to see each other again.”

“That’s a nice way to look at it,” I responded smilingly. “Let’s hurry then. Good night, Trev.”

“Good night, Ali.”

That night, I snuggled into bed, brimming with quiet joy and a sense of peace. Knowing that somewhere out there (in Ohio), someone might be thinking of me as he drifted to sleep, just like how I was thinking of him…

If only I had known then how quickly things were about to unravel, and how my world was truly never going to be the same again.


	21. Better in real life

_A dangerous plan, just this time_

_A stranger's hand clutched in mine_

_\- Tori Spelling & Ed Sheeran _

_\- - -_

“Wow, it’s pouring out there,” I remarked to Hank as I peered out of the tinted car window.

“Well, it doesn’t feel like NYC to me if it isn’t wet and gloomy,” Hank replied from the driver’s seat with more affection than one would expect.

“I’m just glad I decided to wear my rain boots today.”

“Good call on that.” Hank pulled up to the front of the St Regis hotel in Midtown Manhattan. “Here we are. Do you know where to find Tom?”

“Yes, he said he’ll be at the lobby.” I grabbed my bags and waved goodbye to Hank before stepping out of the SUV. “Thanks a lot, Hank.”

“No problem. See you tomorrow, Ali.”

I quickly made my way up the steps and through the iconic revolving doors of St Regis to escape the cold, and was immediately greeted by a wonderfully, familiar husky voice.

“Ali!” Tom, decked in a navy coat and dark jeans, walked over and gave me a quick hug.

I couldn’t help noticing that someone was trailing behind Tom. Someone whose face I recognized immediately because I’d watched Spider-Man: Far From Home just several days ago.

“Hey, it’s Ned!” I blurted out without thinking.

Tom looked behind him then turned back to me, laughing. “Umm, yes. Ned. Or Jacob, as he’s more used to being called. Mate, this is Ali.”

Jacob stepped forward. “Hey, how’s it going? It’s nice to finally meet Tom’s girlfriend.” He beamed, all innocence.

Tom’s eyebrows shot up. My eyes grew large.

“Sorry, was it supposed to be hush-hush? Haz was the one who told me,” Jacob explained, his smile wavering slightly now.

“Oh, that Harrison.” I rolled my eyes.

Tom shrugged at Jacob in mock despair. “As much as I wish what Haz said was true… It’s still a work in progress. I’m working really hard to make it happen, so…”

“So anyway. Hi, Jacob.” I shook the hand Jacob extended while wearing an embarrassed smile, eager to divert the attention away from me. “I’m so sorry about calling you Ned. Far From Home just came out on Netflix and I caught it the other night. It’s still fresh on my mind, as you can tell.”

“Don’t sweat it. I think my ‘girlfriend’ comment makes us even,” Jacob assured me, his friendly grin putting me at ease.

Tom turned to me, explaining, “Our friend here, Jacob, managed to clear his schedule for the New York Comic Con, so he’s staying at St Regis too for the next couple of days.” He chuckled. “We were having afternoon tea at Astor Court on the first floor. It was amazing.”

“Well, my bro here had his scones and finger sandwiches and a truckload of milky tea. Me, I just downed two coffees. Black,” Jacob stated with a smirk.

“Very macho,” Tom said, nodding.

“I had my cup of Americano too before Hank picked me up. Black coffee _is_ the way to go, I’m afraid,” I told Tom with a shrug.

“They may take away my freedom but they will never take my tea!” Tom proclaimed.

“All right, whatever you say, Tom ‘Braveheart’ Gibson,” Jacob teased. “So what do you kids have planned?”

“Well, dinner somewhere. And then a surprise… somewhere else. Did I get all the details right?” I said, glancing at Tom in amusement.

“That’s not vague at all,” Jacob observed.

Tom punched Jacob in the arm. “Yeah, you know how I’m a man of mystery.”

Chortling, Jacob checked his watch and said, “Okay, I need to get going. I’ll see you at the ‘con, bro. And Ali, it was awesome to meet you.”

“Great meeting you too,” I replied smilingly.

“Bye, Tom Cat and Ali Cat,” Jacob said with a cheerful wave. When he saw the shocked looks from me and Tom, he added, “Blame Haz. Again.”

I groaned as Jacob disappeared through the hotel front door. “People have got to stop with the nicknames.”

Tom huffed dramatically. “I know! Except for ‘Alison Rose’ because that one’s gold.”

I sighed. “You’re lucky that you’re adorable, thus rendering you almost un-smackable. Almost.”

“Well, thank you. That’s a very sweet thing to say, Ali.” Tom nodded at the weekender duffel bag I was gripping. “Here, I’ll pass your bag to the concierge. They can bring it to my room.”

Ten minutes later, we were ready to head out to dinner.

“Oh man, I was planning to walk to the restaurant,” Tom exclaimed as we exited the hotel and saw the rain. “I hope you like tacos, by the way.”

“I do.” I tightened the scarf around my neck. “How far is our restaurant? The rain is letting up a bit. I think we can make it.”

Tom studied my determined expression, his brown eyes twinkling even more than usual. “Yeah, why not. Let’s do it. It’s just a couple of blocks down.”

As I took the hand he held out, I couldn’t help wondering – how was it possible that less than a year ago, Tom Holland was nothing more than a stranger in the news and on the screen, and now he was the reason that my heart was full and contented?

I couldn’t fathom it. But maybe some things in life weren’t meant to be figured out. You just had to live in the moment and seize it.

With our fingers entwined, secure and warm, I said with a laugh, “Okay, let’s go!”

* * *

“I’m stuffed. I totally know how a taco feels now,” I declared as we took slow, agonized steps out of the restaurant.

Tom nodded. “But those were some amazing tacos. So I regret nothing… I think.”

“And don’t forget the phenomenal margaritas.” I smiled at him. “Thanks for taking me here, Trev. It’s a really cool place, especially the hidden doorway to the dining space below.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying the evening so far.” Tom stopped and pulled out his phone. “For the next stop, we’ll need to get to the East Side. I’ll call an Uber.”

I glanced at the pavement glowing in the streetlight, slick from the downpour earlier. The hustle and bustle of Manhattan continued around us and occasionally I’d get bumped by someone’s shoulder, but I was held steadfast by Tom, my hand in his. I wish I could freeze-frame this moment right here.

“Okay, that’s our ride,” Tom announced.

We got into a Toyota sedan, which took us to the heart of East Village.

“The Wayland?” I read the sign out loud as our driver brought the car to a stop in front of what appeared to be a cocktail bar.

“Yup. Come on.”

I slid out from the back seat of our Uber ride and followed Tom to the front steps.

He spoke to the man at The Wayland’s door and in no time at all, we were ushered to a cozy table close to the small raised platform at the front, where a lone electric piano and two chairs had been placed.

“Oh, so it’s a music bar.” I propped my chin on two hands, taking in the surroundings, then leaned in to Tom who sat beside me. “Who’s performing tonight?”

“That’s the surprise,” Tom said with a wide grin. “I think you’ll like her.”

“Ooh, her, huh? I just hope it’s not Britney Spears, otherwise Lou is going to be mad at me for not inviting him along.”

Tom laughed. “As enticing as a classy piano rendition of Womanizer sounds.. No, I didn’t bring you here for Britney.”

I browsed the drinks menu as we waited for this mysterious performer to show up. I must’ve gotten overly caught up trying to decide between ordering a Moscow Mule and a Negroni, because the next thing I knew, Tom was nudging me and pointing at the stage.

I looked up to see a slender brown-haired female figure in an oversized burnt orange sweater and skinny jeans sitting onstage, the spotlight illuminating her face as she tested her microphone.

“Oh my God. Trev!” I seized Tom’s hand, whispering frantically, “That’s Sasha Sloan, isn’t it? I’d know those bangs anywhere.”

Tom nodded his head in response. “Surprise!”

“Surprise is right.” I sat back in my seat, still in shock. “I hope she sings Dancing With Your Ghost!”

“I’m sure she will.”

“Trev, this is amazing. Thank you,” I said softly, feeling like my heart could burst. “You’re amazing.”

“You’re most welcome.” Tom smiled. “The moment I heard that she was going to be doing a performance in NYC on the very week that I was going to be here too for the comic con, I knew I had to bring you.”

“I’m so glad I introduced her songs to you.”

“Me too.”

Sasha opened with several of her older songs. In between singing, she peppered mini stories about her inspirations and early days of her career.

When she took a break after 45 minutes, Tom turned to me and remarked, “I think she’s even better in real life, don’t you?”

“Definitely.” I tilted my head, smiling as I said, “And Trev?”

“Yes, Ali?” Tom flashed that mesmerizing smile that had captured the hearts of millions around the world, and I wondered for the umpteenth time about how I’d gotten this lucky.

“So are you.”

* * *

By the time we left The Wayland and climbed into a Lexus SUV, our Uber ride that would take us back to the hotel, it was past 1AM.

I rested my head on Tom’s shoulder, his arm holding me close.

“Tonight’s been perfect,” I murmured, sighing.

“No arguments there,” Tom murmured back.

“So if you’re still interested in becoming something more than a not-boyfriend…”

I couldn’t see Tom’s face but I could hear him chuckle. “Interested is quite an understatement, but go on.”

At that very instant, our Uber driver decided to turn up the radio and a familiar song came on.

Tom shifted in his sitting position. “Is that –“

I sat up, looking at the radio and then at Tom. “I think so, yeah.”

Unbelievable but true, Sasha Sloan began crooning Dancing With Your Ghost from the car speakers.

“ _Yelling at the sky... Screaming at the world…_ ”

“She’s everywhere tonight,” I noted with a laugh.

“And determined to upstage me at every chance she gets,” Tom joked.

“No, no. You have my full attention,” I promised him with utter solemnness.

“Okay.” Tom laughed. “So as I was asking…”

“Yes…”

“ _How do I love, how do I love again? How do I trust, how do I trust again?_ ” Sasha continued singing.

It occurred to me that this was a particularly sad Sasha Sloan song, and it was curious how it chose to appear at this exact moment…

Tom took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Ali, will you be my –“

A loud, jangly guitar riff blared from Tom’s coat pocket. His phone was ringing. He released my hand, fished his phone out and looked at the screen. “Hmm. It’s a video call from Dad. But why would he be calling at this hour –?”

“It’s okay. Answer it,” I urged him. “It could be an emergency.”

When he glanced my way, his expression was filled with concern.

“Trev?” I asked, my heart instinctively plummeting. “Is something wrong?”


	22. One fleeting moment

_I would like to leave this city_

_This old town don't smell too pretty_

_And I can feel the warning signs running around my mind_

_\- AURORA_

_\- - -_

“No, no. There’s nothing to be worried about,” Tom hastily assured me. “I’m picking up the call now.”

He cleared his throat before hitting the ‘Accept video call’ button on the screen. “Hello, Dad.”

“Tom! Good morning,” a jovial voice tinged in British accent responded. I decided to scoot away from Tom to give him the tiniest shred of privacy, but not before peeking to see a middle-aged man with glasses and Tom’s jawline filling up the phone screen.

“Didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?” Tom’s dad asked.

“Well, I’m in an Uber right now and the signal isn’t the best. And as you can see, it’s pretty dim here in the car…”

Strangely enough, Tom sounded more than a little uncomfortable as he spoke. From day one, he had been the most easygoing person I knew. Had I even seen this side of Tom before? I couldn’t recall.

“Right, right,” his dad replied.

“You’re up early, Dad. Isn’t it like 6AM over there?”

“Yes, well, your mother has to leave the house at 7 today and she woke me up. So I was just pottering around the kitchen, making tea and checking the news on my phone… And guess what I found? My oldest son in the tabloids.”

Tom groaned. “Dad, you know you shouldn’t read those things.”

“It wasn’t intentional. It just popped up and I think it might interest you anyway – are you by any chance in the company of a mysterious petite blonde right now?”

I involuntarily gasped while Tom leaned in closer to the phone screen.

“What?! Did the tabloids say that?” he asked in surprise.

“Breaking news, in fact,” his father confirmed. “Someone spotted you entering and then leaving a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan, hand in hand with said mysterious petite blonde. There were quite a few photos. I just thought you should know…”

“Thanks, Dad. Appreciate the heads up.” Tom exhaled loudly, turning to give me an apologetic glance.

“Is she there with you? I’m sorry if I’m interrupting your date.”

“Uhh yes she’s here…”

“Oh. Hello there! I’m Dom,” his father called out cheerfully. “What’s her name?”

“Dad, this is really not the best time –“

“Right, of course. I should let you go then. We’ll talk again soon. You know how your mother has been worrying about you moping around like a lost puppy the last time you were home…”

Tom rubbed his chin, trying to muster a smile. “Yeah, well I’m better now. You can tell Mum that. Tell her not to worry.”

Tom’s discomfort was causing me discomfort. I hated it. I could feel my defense mechanism kicking in, and my walls going up.

“Okay. Bye bye, Tom. Take care of yourself, son.”

After hanging up, Tom turned to me. His finger traced my sleeved arm and I was surprised by how I felt compelled to pull away.

“Ali…” He began, then paused, as if trying to gauge my reaction.

“What was that about?” I asked quietly, unsure if I wanted to carry out this conversation when the driver was within earshot.

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to get overwhelmed – Dad can get overly enthusiastic and really persist with his questions.”

“He seemed nice.”

“Yeah, he’s the best.” Tom’s voice softened. “I guess I want to, I don’t know, do this the right way? Get you to officially agree to be my girlfriend before unleashing my family onto you. They can be a handful. They’d probably post an invitation card tomorrow asking you to spend Christmas with them.”

“If England is in any way less cold than the icy wonderland of Warren, count me in,” I joked, trying to break the awkwardness.

But I realized the awkwardness was bubbling from somewhere within me. I inhaled deeply before continuing to speak, “Trev, are you – ashamed of me or something? Is this about me not being good enough to be introduced to your family?”

Tom could not look more shocked. “Ali, why would you think that? It’s crazy.”

“Because.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “Earlier with Jacob, you had no problem at all talking about me. You were at ease, joking and all. But with your dad just now? You were really tense.”

Tom nodded. “It looked bad, I know. I’m so sorry. It’s just – “

“What is it, Trev? You know you can tell me anything, right?” I looked at him imploringly.

He let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know…”

“What? You don’t know if you can trust me? Is that it?”

“ _No_ , that’s not it at all.” Tom pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I was an idiot just now. I have no idea why I acted like that.”

_Well, that makes two of us._

The SUV slowed down and I saw the hotel looming ahead. “I gotta go,” I said, my voice still low, wishing I was anywhere but here right now.

Tom leaned in toward me. “Ali, don’t leave. Please?”

_It’s you. You’re the one making me leave._

“I’m just… tired,” I told Tom, averting his gaze. It wasn’t a total lie. I was emotionally drained. “I think it’s best that I go back home. Can you call Hank for me and see if he’s available? Otherwise I can just call for a cab back to Warren. It’s not a big deal.”

“Ali…”

“Please?”

“Look, Ali, I’ll hate myself if we left things like this… I don’t even know when’s the next chance we’ll get to meet. I’m going to have back-to-back filming for Cherry after this and then I’ll be flying back to England for Christmas holidays after – “

“We’ll… figure something out.” I crossed my arms, eyes cast downward on my shoes. “I’m sorry. I just need to go now. Okay?”

Tom heaved a long, pained sigh, before finally replying, “Okay.”

“Thanks.” I reached to pull the door handle and exited the SUV.

I heard Tom’s footsteps following from behind, but I couldn’t bring myself to look back.

I suddenly felt very alone, trembling in the frigid air of a big city that had shone so brightly for us earlier tonight – but its glow was starting to dim at this late, vexed hour.

I was such a fool.

For one fleeting moment, I had let my guard down completely, allowing myself to be vulnerable. To believe that I’d found someone worth taking a leap of faith for, and that he would always light up my world.

But now, darkness was taking over everything.


	23. Shattered

_You know I left a part of me back in New York_

_You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for?_

_\- Taylor Swift_

_\- - -_

“Jayna,” I muttered, startling her.

“What?” she asked, blinking her brilliant blue eyes innocently.

“Umm can you quit staring at me? It’s really unsettling. Plus, we’re supposed to be studying.”

Jayna shrugged as she flipped through her notebook. “I’m just worried about you, Ali. You know that.”

I put my highlighter down on my kitchen counter where we sat opposite each other, and said with a sigh, “You also know that I’ve told you I’m fine…”

“How could you be fine?” Jayna blurted out. “You were supposed to officially get together with Trev in NYC. Instead, everything blew up and now you won’t speak to him.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose. I just – I don’t know how to talk to him right now.”

“Did you even return his calls?”

“Umm not yet. But I will...”

“I don’t get it. The both of you came so close to being with each other. Like, so close. It’s insane.”

“The signs were there, Jays. I mean, Sasha Sloan was literally singing them in the car.”

“I’ve never been a fan of her music anyway.” Jayna sniffed. “But seriously, Ali, what happened? I’m still confused.”

“So am I, Jays. All I know is that he got spooked when his dad called. It’s even more bizarre because just earlier the same day, he had no problem introducing me to Jacob Batalon.”

“That does sound kinda odd. He might still be hiding something?” Jayna guessed.

“Yeah, and it scares me.”

“Warning bells started ringing for you, I suppose…”

“I _know_ I can be overly cautious to the point of being ridiculous… But Jays, when I was walking away from him, I suddenly thought about the night I lost my family,” I confessed, sighing. “It’s so long ago now, but that horrific feeling came back – like I’d been abandoned and all I could do was to pick myself up and move on. I hate to be dramatic, but yeah. People always leave. I don’t know why they do, but it seems to be the running theme in my life.”

“Oh, Ali.” Jayna reached over to squeeze my arm comfortingly. “I haven’t left, have I? I’ll be in your life forever and ever, whether you like it or not. And in case you haven’t noticed, Trev is still sticking around. _You_ walked out on him.”

“It wasn’t my proudest moment for sure,” I admitted. “It’s just defense mechanism kicking in, I guess. I really didn’t mean to hurt him.”

“Neither of you did,” Jayna reminded me gently. “I don’t know him super well obviously, but I can see that he genuinely cares for you. It doesn’t compute that he would do anything to intentionally cause harm in any way.”

“What do you suggest I do then?” I gave up looking at my notes and paid full attention to Jayna.

“Well.” Jayna looked thoughtful. “I was reading this article online the other day, about how even in marriages, people still have the right to privacy. They don’t necessarily have to share every single thing in their life with their partner in order to have a healthy relationship. I think that makes sense.”

She shrugged and continued, “And like I’ve said before, it’s possible that Trev is keeping someone else’s secret. A huge, important secret that he can’t divulge. Otherwise, I don’t think he’d risk making things rocky between you two, ya know?”

“Yeah, that makes sense. But if that’s the case, I think he could’ve still just told me – about the fact that he can’t tell me.”

“Maybe he freaked out for a moment. He’s a great guy, but he’s still human.”

“He _is_ a great guy.” I paused. “The greatest, actually.”

Jayna nodded, giving me an encouraging smile. “None of us can claim to have all the answers, but I think it’s worth trying to work things out with him. I mean, at the end of the day, can you imagine your life without Trevor McGeek? That’s the acid test.”

I took in a deep breath, shrugging. “Selena Gomez was right when she said the heart wants what it wants.”

Jayna’s smile widened. “There we go. And you know I’m a huge fan of the Ali Cat and Tom Cat combo. Harrison is, too.”

Just then, Jayna’s phone rang. As she glanced at the screen, she quipped, “Speaking of which…”

I shot Jayna a quizzical look.

She tapped on the glassy surface then said, “Hey, Harrison! I’m studying for finals at Ali’s.”

Harrison’s face appeared on the screen. “Hello, girls. Am I interrupting?”

“No, we can spare a couple of minutes to talk,” Jayna replied swiftly. She looked at me, asking, “That is, if you don’t mind, Ali? Harrison’s been having a crazy schedule and we haven’t spoken in like two weeks.”

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

“How are things? With the both of you?” Harrison wanted to know.

Jayna coughed. “I think one of us is doing better than the other.”

“Jayna!” I groaned. “I’m fine,” I told Harrison, plastering a smile on.

“Oh. That’s good. Can you help out with my mate though? I don’t think he’s doing too well…”

“Is it someone named Tom?” Jayna asked casually.

“Very subtle, you two,” I mumbled.

“Are you truly all right, Ali?” Harrison asked, concern etched all over his face. “I heard about what happened. I wish there was something I could do.”

“Any chance you know why he acted so strangely when his dad called?”

“Not a clue,” Harrison replied, frowning. “He just kept saying that he screwed up.”

“We all screw up sometimes. And that’s okay. The problem is, where do we go from here? I don’t know if I can trust him fully when he doesn’t seem capable of doing the same toward me.”

“It’s a tough one,” Harrison acknowledged with a sigh. “Look, Ali, I’m not trying to blindly defend my mate here, and he might need to make amends to you all the way till 2025 – but in all the years I’ve known Tom, he’s never ever been deceptive to anyone. He’s a nice lad in the most authentic way possible and he’s got such a big, pure heart. He’s good to his family, he’s good to his mates, and don’t get me started on how he is with Tess. He’d never take his loved ones for granted. I honestly believe that.”

I nodded as I took a deep breath and let Harrison’s words sank in. “Thanks, Harrison. I appreciate all that you’ve said.”

“Will you call Tom soon? Please?” Harrison pleaded, giving me his best puppy-eyed look.

“Yeah Ali, you should do it!” Jayna urged, clasping her hands together.

I glanced over at the sofa where my phone sat. The phone that had received a couple of unanswered texts and more than a couple missed calls from Tom.

And all of a sudden, a rush of emotions washed over me. I missed him. A lot. And if he was miserable because of me, I had to do something to fix it.

Jayna and Harrison were right. I needed to talk to him.

“Okay, I will contact Tom and talk things out,” I promised both of them. “Tomorrow.”

* * *

“Order for table four! Where is my order for table four? They’ve been harassing me for their panini and scrambled eggs for the past ten minutes. As if I’m holding their food ransom for the fun of it!”

I moved away from Lou as he yelled at the kitchen, looking like he was this close to simultaneously bursting multiple veins on his forehead.

After swiftly clearing two tables and seating a sweet elderly couple that had just walked in, I walked briskly to get behind the counter and attended to customers who wanted to settle their bills.

Café Luna was a madhouse today, and it was only 8.30am. I had to remind myself to breathe in and out.

An hour later, the hectic pace had thankfully subsided. I peeked at Lou, whose previously tomato-hued face had become less red now.

“Crazy crowd this morning,” I remarked, leaning against the counter. “And none of them looked like locals. The Warren town tourism board must be working extra hard this time of the year.”

Lou grunted and collapsed onto a chair at the table nearest to the counter. “I need my three shots of espresso. And the morning paper.”

“Morning paper? You mean the E! Online website, right?” I teased. “And all the Britney Spears fan accounts on Instagram.”

“Go away, Alison,” Lou instructed, gifting me with a particularly nasty scowl. “You are getting more annoying by the day. Must be Jayna’s influence.”

I chuckled then left him as he took a breather. By then there was only one remaining customer, so I took care of that and when he left shortly after, I returned to my spot against the counter.

With this temporary lull at the café, I figured it was a good time for my break and to give Tom a call.

Lou let out a startled noise, distracting me.

“Enjoying the celebrity gossip you’re reading there?” I remarked.

Lou looked up from his phone, replying, “Well, I’m looking at this website that has photos of your actor friend. The one in the Marvel movies – Tom Hiddleston?”

“Tom Holland,” I corrected him. As I tucked a strand of hair that had slipped out of my ponytail, I wondered if I should ask. Okay, I was going to bite. “What photos?”

“He was Christmas shopping in London,” Lou reported. “With an unidentified striking brunette… wearing a Burberry trench coat and yellow Doc Martens. It’s nice how they always include what the celebrities were wearing.”

A cold ripple of shock hit me.

Lou continued reading from his phone screen. “ _Other shoppers glimpsed the couple, who looked cozy and exchanged plenty of laughter, walking into Alex Monroe, a jewelry store renowned for delicate, well-crafted niche pieces. Tom, who had previously been spotted with another as-yet-identified blonde woman just several weeks ago in New York City, seems to be keeping a busy love life…_ ”

Suppressing an urge to throw up, I slowly made my way over to Lou. “Can I see?”

Lou promptly held out his phone. “This is your Tom, no?”

As my eyes focused on the two photos on the screen, I was rendered speechless.

_My Tom? No. And even if he was, he’s certainly not mine anymore._

Feeling a little faint, I steadied myself by reaching to grip the edge of the table. Preoccupied by a million thoughts flying through my mind, I didn’t notice my fingers accidentally coming into contact with Lou’s cup of coffee.

Lou jumped at the sound of his cup crashing onto the floor. Unmoving and staring at me in surprise, he asked, “Alison, what just happened?”

“Nothing. Sorry, I was just clumsy and knocked my mug over the counter. I’ll clean it up right away.”

Before I rushed to get the broom and dustpan, I glanced at the mug that was now shattered into pieces, all too aware that the mess was a perfect representation of the state of my heart.


End file.
